bravery...

i hit my two years post-op yesterday. no big celebration.

i think the reality is setting in about the prognosis.

my "fibro" symptoms are acting up, and my hips are upset. my limitations are increasing...

meeting with my primary care physician today was a bit of affirmation. it is always a relief when people don't find you crazy, and they actually admire what you have been through. living in these shoes can be lonely and the bits of affirmation make it all so much easier.

next steps...
new ortho (new insurance) appointment this week
hoping to start p.t. in february
continuing to do my morning yoga routine
sit-ups and push-ups 3x a week to preserve and obtain muscle mass
AND knowing that i can get through this

i am hoping all the little bits will help.

i also need to keep the perspective that my success looks different than anyone else's.  my success is continuing to do push-ups and sit-up. it doesn't have to look like a marathon, or snowboarding, or hikes every weekend. my success can be going for a walk.

i can be gentle on myself, and keep realistic expectations...i really can. and through it all i can be brave.

pain

lots of hip pain today.

searching for some releaf...

two years is almost here...

i can't believe i am almost at two years post-op.

this has been one of the most exhausting and draining processes. i am still in a better place than i was before, and need to remind myself of that...often.

looking back at the progress that has been made, it is astounding.

my one, major wish was that i could walk. i can't believe that was where i was at. i wanted to be able to walk!?! i can do that!

all these other pains and side-effects are minute in the big picture of all of this.

i don't think my hips will ever be perfect, but my one wish for this year is to get my physio in the right place. i want my muscles to be balanced, to stand without pain, and to be able to hike a mountain without regretting it.

i still appreciate the "how are are you doing"s, as this is my life. everyone may be sick of this sob story, but it isn't going anywhere.

i have been dealt my fair, or not so fair, share of uncontrollable puzzle pieces; but somehow they have all come together to create the me that i am today. my stories may be somber, but i see the beauty in the lulls. i see the beauty in the struggles, as there is always something beautiful that is birthed from them.

as my second year comes to a close, i am grateful. my abilities are more limited than others, but my abilities also surpass. i am counting my blessings, however big or small.

i did hike thanksgiving day!
one month later and my body is still revolting
one of these days :)

groin pain

Another hippy posted an interesting article on the Understanding FAI Hip Impingement Facebook group. The article pertains to (the looming) groin pain after surgery.

Recently, intraarticular adhesions between the femoral neck and joint capsule have been identified as an additional cause of postoperative groin pain. The adhesions form between the joint capsule and the resected area on the femoral neck and may lead to soft tissue impingement. MR-arthrography is used for diagnosis and the adhesions can be treated successfully by arthroscopy. While arthroscopic resection improves outcome it is technically demanding. Avoiding the formation of adhesions is important and is perhaps best accomplished by passive motion exercises after the initial surgery.

Groin Pain after Open FAI Surgery: The Role of Intraarticular Adhesions
Martin Beck, MD
excerpt from Abstract
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2635436/

I am an information junky and love this stuff; so, I hope this article is interested to you if nothing else.

anticipation...

tomorrow is leg one of my 6+ hour road trip. i am a tad nervous about the pain level with being in a sedentary position for that long.

i guess we will find out how my old lady hips do...

i do have to say that i am just excited to get away...feel the wing in my hair...let go of things for a few days.

road trip!

paid off!

well...i have officially paid off my surgery! it took a year, but i can officially wash my hands clean of that payment.

where are things at a year and eight months down the road?

to be honest, i feel older than i am. i still have an ache deep in the hip that lingers on down the leg. i haven't done physical therapy for a bit, but am looking back into that. this delicate balance i have still not found.

with stress and life changes i put on a few pounds, but am back on the wagon. i want to feel better, to be a better me.

the question is...

do i hop back in the pool an attempt alumni water polo at my alma mater? maybe some laps up and down the pool first?

here is to us hippies.

managing a new way of life, living in the moment, and trying to not let my hip dictate my dos and don'ts.

new shoes!

 

you know what that means?

yes!

i am picking up the running shoes.

it has taken a year and three months, but i can do it. i am only running 1.1 miles, but i am getting that time down and will work up the mileage. 

i have been mixing in the yoga, keeping up with the stretching, and mixing in low weights. this has been one LONG haul!

i am by no means pain free, BUT my body can move. i am capable to move how a body should!

if you are struggling through this process, know that it takes time. 

take a look at where you came from and where you are now. i can only hope you see progress. we have good days, we have bad days, BUT my worst days after are nowhere close to what they were before.

you can make it through!