cortisone...

i go in for cortisone shots in both hips on tuesday...i don't know whether i should be excited or dismayed.

i'm actually both.

after visiting with the orthopedic, i lost my footing on optimism.

he had absolutely no answers, just a quip of "i don't know what is going on", and that he wouldn't want to touch my other hip because of how much pain i am still in with my operated hip.

needless to say the search for another ortho is on.

isn't it their job to figure out what is going on? isn't it their job to work with me, and my present condition, and work on solutions. don't get me wrong, i am glad that he didn't throw his hands up and not offer the cortisone injections. there is hope that the injections will give my hips enough of a pain rest that they will miraculously be pain free.

does cortisone heal a torn labrum? don't comment i already know the answer!

i can atleast dream, right???

that is the worry about hip #2, "good" hip. #2 isn't feeling so hot. #2 is making the pain i have been feeling in #1 start to look like pansy pain. if #2 keeps it up i don't know what i am going to do.

well, cortisone, here i come!

check out a video of a cortisone shot injection, enjoy :)

"good" hip?

i really do hate the fact that i can still talk about my hips.

i am really discouraged as this journey has had so many ups and downs.

i think i underestimate my resilience and how strong i really am.

there are so many things i wish i could do though!

my birthday is coming up and i'm not excited. i can't go on an adventure without pain, i can't go play games on the beach, i can't go to Disneyland, i can't go kayaking in La Jolla Cove...ugh!

i have been going to physical therapy, for the past 7 weeks, and our conversation on tuesday was about the possibilities of what could be going on with my hips and when i should make an appt with my orthopedic. today, thursday at pt i was asked, so, did you make that appointment with your surgeon?
my current fears are more than anything for my good hip. i have to get my head around the possibility of another surgery if my labrum is tearing. as for my post-op hip, i just really want an answer for the pain.

i can't sleep through the night, and concentration is difficult. all i want to do is curl up with ice/heat, eat chocolate, and drink coffee/beer...can we say comfort items???

so in honor of looking on the bright side i want to share the top five items (no particular order) that are keeping me sane...

#1 | The Bachelor

don't judge too harshly.
it's mind numming, and all i need right now
is something to take my mind off of pain.

The Bachelor

#2 | White Collar

#3 | Red Hook Long Hammer IPA

#4 | coffee

especially coffee from boutique coffee roasters/shops...amazing!

#5 | chocolate

i don't discriminate...
preferably with caramel, or peanuts/peanut butter

seven weeks

i am over two years post op and the pain in my hips is becoming more of an issue.

i started pt, again, about 7 weeks ago.

i am really getting nervous as my "good" hip hurts and the "bad" hip is killing me.

i haven't slept through the night in 4 nights, and my emotionally state is quickly going to crumble...

the one thing that has been brought to my attention as a possible cause...or more like i have done research and want to see if this is the problem...is iliopsoas tendonitis.

i have a pain that gets worse after exercise, standing, sitting, etc. I feel the pain when i wear out the muscles and irritate the area. the pain is the worst one-two days after i exhaust the joint. the flair-ups take about a week or more to calm down.

i am definitely thankful for the mobility i do have, but am starting to hit the reality that what i am doing needs to be as minimal, as the joint and the iliopsoas are pretty angry when i am active...

so here is to drinking a beer, icing the hip, and convincing myself that everything will be okay...

http://www.arthroscopichipsurgeon.com/images/psoas-impingement.jpg

i am hoping no more labral tears are involved,
but i am assuming this is what my psoas is doing to my hip

PT Round Two

alright, verdict is i am weak.

no news to me.

nothing majorly wrong, so the pt thinks. we will see how much this fella knows...

tight psoas and tight back muscles, while i have weak abs and weak gluts.

ultimately i will me beefing it up...well, if you count clam shells that open slightly and pulling my abs through my belly button to the floor, then i am beefing it up. *lots of sarcasm*

you know what, anything to bring the pain level down.

bring it on!

bravery...

i hit my two years post-op yesterday. no big celebration.

i think the reality is setting in about the prognosis.

my "fibro" symptoms are acting up, and my hips are upset. my limitations are increasing...

meeting with my primary care physician today was a bit of affirmation. it is always a relief when people don't find you crazy, and they actually admire what you have been through. living in these shoes can be lonely and the bits of affirmation make it all so much easier.

next steps...
new ortho (new insurance) appointment this week
hoping to start p.t. in february
continuing to do my morning yoga routine
sit-ups and push-ups 3x a week to preserve and obtain muscle mass
AND knowing that i can get through this

i am hoping all the little bits will help.

i also need to keep the perspective that my success looks different than anyone else's.  my success is continuing to do push-ups and sit-up. it doesn't have to look like a marathon, or snowboarding, or hikes every weekend. my success can be going for a walk.

i can be gentle on myself, and keep realistic expectations...i really can. and through it all i can be brave.

pain

lots of hip pain today.

searching for some releaf...

two years is almost here...

i can't believe i am almost at two years post-op.

this has been one of the most exhausting and draining processes. i am still in a better place than i was before, and need to remind myself of that...often.

looking back at the progress that has been made, it is astounding.

my one, major wish was that i could walk. i can't believe that was where i was at. i wanted to be able to walk!?! i can do that!

all these other pains and side-effects are minute in the big picture of all of this.

i don't think my hips will ever be perfect, but my one wish for this year is to get my physio in the right place. i want my muscles to be balanced, to stand without pain, and to be able to hike a mountain without regretting it.

i still appreciate the "how are are you doing"s, as this is my life. everyone may be sick of this sob story, but it isn't going anywhere.

i have been dealt my fair, or not so fair, share of uncontrollable puzzle pieces; but somehow they have all come together to create the me that i am today. my stories may be somber, but i see the beauty in the lulls. i see the beauty in the struggles, as there is always something beautiful that is birthed from them.

as my second year comes to a close, i am grateful. my abilities are more limited than others, but my abilities also surpass. i am counting my blessings, however big or small.

i did hike thanksgiving day!
one month later and my body is still revolting
one of these days :)