mri-arthrogram #3

i would have assumed that i would be looking in the rear view mirror by now.

remember when...

i am so relieved that i can do...

i just hiked mt...

it doesn't help that a sheet of dispair has been hanging heavy lately.

the great thing about writing into the abyss of this blog, is that i write it and it doesn't take hold anymore. i still fight it, but the thoughts loose their control.

after a "failed" cortisone injection, leaving me in immense pain, and an orthopedic who told me there wasn't anything he could do for me; i am hoping i am on the brink of answers.


for anyone who has not had an mri-arthrogram, be thankful.

this procedure entails large needles making contact with your joint to then inject a mineral composite that contrasts under an mri.

it is always an unpleasant experience and i feel like it gets more painful as time progresses.

i pray that some comfort and peace covers me tonight...that answers come out of these images.


enjoy this video example of what the mra procedure is like...okay so it is thorough so fast forward to about half way for the hip arthrogram.

and pictures :)

ouch...

mri-a with flouroscopy #2, check!

i am hurting, and i broke down and took a vicodin to ease the pain. am i a big baby or are things really to this point???

the mri-a was a lot quicker this time around. the flourscopy, the x-ray guided injection into the hip joint, was half as long as the last time and hence half as painful. so thankful for that. the mri itself was the longest 30 minutes i've experienced in quite some time. talk about antsy at the end.

i am just thankful that i am 1 or 2 days away from some answers! will it be another surgery? i'm kind of bracing for that. all i want is a solution. if it's surgery, bring it on! if not, well hot dog!

here's to answers by friday!

and thank you everyone who has been praying for me. i am feeling the love and the peace. xoxo

OH, and a picture of my amazing healing scars. two of the three at least.

do i realize?

only a couple days away from getting the mri-arthrogram, and hopefully some answers.

i'm nervous and antsy about this next step. what do the next couple months have in store? will i be going back in for surgery? will i have an answer?

i am also filling my thoughts with anxiety about how lonely this road is and is getting. it ends up being a lot of days where i am alone, and people are busy. i sometimes wish everyone else' lives would slow down just a tad so they could come over, we could watch a movie, eat dark chocolate, and paint our nails. i wish people could slow down their agendas to my pace. i wish i could interrupt their run for the night, or the every night hangout they have with their boyfriend...i wish i could interrupt what agenda people have and they could just slow down with me...selfish, yes, i know.

i am pretty sure i am pretty boring right now. i am low energy because of pain, i'm poor/on disability so i don't have a lot of expendable income, and i just don't feel fun...

i'm realizing that in all of this i am having to be okay with me. i hang out with me all day and i have to be okay with my thoughts, with my activities (or lack there of), i have to be okay with the fact that God allows us to suffer.

this was a breakthrough for me. i was realizing how NOT okay i was with the events of the last year and 3 months or so. i realized that i was inhibiting the possibility of growth in my doubts. with my bitterness i was stuck.

the reality is though that every moment i doubt i'm being taken care of God reminds me of just HOW taken care of i really am. none of this looks like i want it, or how i thought it would, but i am taken care of.

so...here's to a couple days of calming the angst and allowing for growth in all of this!

reality check...

today was my 6 month post-op appointment, which is actually my 7 1/2 month post-op appointment. i wish i had good news...well who knows what kind of news this is. the reality is i look at worst case scenario and go from there. i'd rather be prepared than shocked, and at this point my worst case scenarios have been right...argh!

okay, back to news. i am scheduling, in the next couple days, another mri-arthrogram (remember my last one?). we will rule in or out whether my labrum has re-torn or not.

reality is, i simply want to know why at 7 months post-op i am in this much pain. if it means i have re-torn my labrum lets find it and fix it NOW.

the thought of going through another hip surgery is numbing. i don't really know how i feel about it. what is a new recovery going to be like? is this surgery going to make me better? if it solves my problem i want to go through it again, this time i hope it all works...

it is so hard to be content in all of this though. i've been trying really hard in the last couple weeks to find the silver lining. i can find things, but believing the silver lining as reality is still a process. i guess life was never meant to be easy. this is a fight i needed to have and i will keep fighting until i have some more answers and my body is pain free!

here's to a speedy process and answers...

hurdles

9.23.10

physical therapy in essence was nothing but twenty dollars down the drain. i was told there was nothing my pt could do for me at this point. i had these lofty hopes i could get strenthening underway before surgery hit, but that was crushed. i am more than deflated...i thought there was more i could do pre-op to make post-op life a bit easier. the reality is sobering...

i was even more devastated to find out there might be warning signs of osteoarthritis...talk about a downer. at 26 i shouldn't feel like an 85 year-old woman, but after a long day i hurt...i wake up achy and now the possibility that i will live with the prospect of hip replacement in my lifetime. i might be looking too far ahead, but to know my life will forever be altered by this is a hard pill to swallow.

let's look at the positive. from going to the pt i was able to read the mri-a results, hence the arthritis scare, and find out where my tear is. i have an anterior tear (@ the front of my hip socket). affirming the pain i feel when i sit down is the pain i feel from the tear and not something else. i like having the details, putting the pieces together and knowing where things are jacked up and why i am in pain.

i am ultimately blessed beyond my own belief. i have such an amazing support system that lets me complain and cry when i need to and that is there for me every step of the way. i am thankful to not go at this alone.

mri-a

9.15.10

yesterday was the long awaited mri-arthrogram! this all begins three or four weeks ago when i got the go ahead from my physio-medicine doctor.

as i made my appointment with radiology, i was told that there would be an injection. my first instinct on the knowledge of an "injection" was to freak out. an injection?!? what do they mean by injection?!? i am a freak about knowing all the answers so i quickly googled the procedure. i read a few different blogs about others experiences with mri s (yes i opted out of specifically looking up arthrograms in the hopes that a real, true, large needle was not needed for the procedure) for the hip and came across conflicting experiences. i continued to ignore the word injection and with calming words from friends i minimized the...ahem, injection, to a simple iv. no biggie! i can take an iv any day!

well, injection it was!

i walked into radiology, waivers signed, money paid and clammy hands clenched. my dear friend michelle walked with me down the corridor, she was left sitting in the hall as i donned the hospital gown. i then walked into a white room with a mechanical dinosaur, yes, a mechanical dinosaur; then plopped myself onto the table where the adventure began.

fluoroscopy x ray machine

the great thing about the mechanical dinosaur was that is was an xray machine that took continuous images to guide the doctor's needle as it entered my hip joint. the bad thing about that damned machine was that is allowed the dr to enter a needle into my hip joint! talk about uncomfortable. even with local lidicane i would never wish the grinding of needle on bone and cartilage on anyone!

take a glimpse into the joy of fluoroscopy...

 

 

 

there really is a point in the procedure, although i would never like to admit is. i even ragged on the dr and tech about having to pay for it...its my patient charm at work. the fluoroscopy allows for an injection to loosen the joint and then insert a die which allows any damage to illuminate in the mri.

after receiving the injection to my hip i was wheeled down to the basement sucked into the tube for thirty minutes. thankfully i had music in my ears and i dreamed of being at the beach to escape the confines of the tube. ultimately the mri itself was easy and i could have taken a nap for half an hour.

walking after was a bit difficult. my hip felt loose and a bit out of the socket. my rang of motion was limited and strength was minimal. there was pain and stiffness that lasted a few days