i feel great! but, i am in pain every day and worsens after a long day on my feet, any activity or the opposite of too little activity.
i'm really struggling with the balance of being immensely thankful to not be where i was pre-op, i need to constantly remind myself of how utterly horrible that place was; and still being in daily pain. i hear so many people who are back to normal activity after 4 weeks, doing yoga classes at 3 months...yadda, yadda, yadda. is it something wrong with my mentality? or is it really my body being sensitive to post-op recovery?
i flair up at least once a day, where i feel inflammation and ache from my lower back, down through the hip and down my shins. it is my daily exhaustion. it is a settling in my bones that i can't wait to dissipate. i don't feel like doing a 20 minute set on the stationary bike after working and feeling like that!
anybody, where is the compromise? when does the ache go away? when does your body allow you to go for more that 2 hours without a break?
the word is that at 6 months to a year you feel great. i'm not counting on six months and i'm not counting on a year either...am i counting on ever being able to run, or push myself to the limits again? not really.
i feel so selfish sometimes though. i saw a man walking on the beach yesterday, joints working out of sink, muscles with barely any mobility and yet he was booking it down the beach. how thankful should i be that my body works, mechanically, as it should now. how much should i let pain and the fear of more pain get in my way?
this is a struggle. it is a catch 22. the joy that i have the possibility of being a pain-free person again, yet the reality that i'm not there yet and it is going to take a lot more time. i just don't know what is going to happen in between and how i'm going to get to the place of pain-free.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
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