3 weeks post-op

i get emotional thinking about what life was like 4 weeks ago. i am hesitant to get too excited about how well i'm doing as i am only 3 weeks post and so much could still happen.

a look back...           
                                   
four weeks ago i was in chronic, debilitating pain. i was daily taking Norco (2x vicodin) to mildly alleviate my pain, second guessing everywhere i went and everything i did. i couldn't work out. i could barely make it through work. i didn't want to go out as the discomfort would overshadow the fun i could have. i was being controlled by my fai and labral tear.

now i am making strides. i want to get out. i want to push the limits and get going again. i am not taking pain meds but if i feel the need, i'll take some aleve to help with the aches. life is moving again. i feel like i can think about what i am going to be doing this summer as apposed to worrying about how my pain and injury is going to prohibit me from walking on the beach, from walking on the beach!!! now i want to try it. how is it going to feel? is my hip going to hate me or love me for making it work?

i'm officially off crutches! i am hesitant, i guess you can't tell by the exclamation of excitement, but i am. is it okay that i'm putting that much pressure on the joint? i have walked down the block to coffee and yogurt three time!!! without my crutches. okay it is less than half of a mile, but i'll take it! it is more than half a mile round trip ;p

i am second guessing and emailed my surgeons office and looked over countless blog forums, making sure i'm doing okay. am i doing okay???

there are aches, stiffness and a lack of range of motion, but it is a pretty nice trade off. it is a nice trade off because all of this will dissipate. i was feeling confident and attempted some leg lifts...guess what? there was NO catching, NO popping and ultimately NO pain in an attempt to tackle this atrophy! i am starting to see the light. regardless i have NO MORE impingement!!! this will hopefully help my tear heal and allow for a fully functioning and mobile hip.


what a stark contrast from now and four weeks ago! i am blessed to have this opportunity to repair a problem and restore my body to a body that functions!


should i set a goal for a mud run this oct/nov??? too lofty of a dream? i hope not!


*addendum*


i am feeling the increase in activity due to the increase in pain level. i've also noticed my right hip-good hip-is not happy with the extra work it is involved in. i went on a walk today (about a mile total roundtrip!), but with one crutch. my body was telling me that no crutches today would have been a bad idea, so glad i listened! there is a pain on the outside of the hip with aching and burning, and the incision sites, deep, feel the ache as well. the pain reaches down through my knee, front and back as well. my body is pooped!

i am so glad i am where i am at and realizing that these days will come and go through the healing process. i am not invincible and the best medicine through all of this will be my own honesty about where my body is at. i whole-heartedly believe that building up my body, getting my blood flowing and increasing my progress daily is the best, but all in all, with moderation...

anxiety...

i've got another week and a half before i go back in to see my surgeon. i'm getting really nervous about the prospect of how he's going to try and manipulate the area (ouch!), if i'm at a good spot in recovery, if i'm going to be given the time i need to recover. this disability has taken over me. i am defined by it. i make plans based upon it. i decide my every second based upon how it will effect my pain level and healing. of all things i would ever become consumed by i didn't imagine this.

i want this time to be consumed with how much people love and support me, reaching goals, dreaming up things i could be doing and all of the things i WILL do once this is all over. or will it all be over. there is still the doubt that i'm left with all of this anticipation. will i be let down with the words, your labrum has torn again, in six months?

i also anticipate leaving my time in sierra madre to continue healing at home and i'm forgotten. i'm getting better, so the appearance of disability has diminished. will people care to stop by? will i not be able to get a ride to freedom? my livelihood still depends on the assistance of others. even the first week and a half was different than i thought. i doubt that people care. did i get enough, you okays, can i bring you dinners, i love yous?

it is true though that i think people don't like to intrude, get in others business, but it is SO important to get in the business of someone recovering.

i do want to thank the few, the faithful family and friends...i might not be able to express enough how much a stop by means, but when you're dependent on your community to come to you, when they actually show up it means the world.

here's hoping my doubts diminish, my community shows up and that regardless, i know i am cherished and beloved by the One that truly matters...

motate...two weeks post-op

i really can't believe it's two weeks post-op. i've had my ups and downs, hit some amazing goals, and been set back in many ways.

today was a great day, i trekked down to the local sierra madre coffee shop, beantown, with my brother and played a little cards to break up the monotony of the last few days. i used both crutches as the last few days have proven that i am very much still in recovery mode and very fragile. sunday and monday were a couple painful days. i had been doing pretty well listening to my body, taking it easy and being very cautious. i felt so good after taking such good care of myself that i overdid it on friday and saturday :|

yesterday and the day before i was taking at least two norco a day again and in no shape to get out and about or push myself. it was back to laying low, taking naps and sleeping 10 hours a night (if i remembered to take a pain pill...if not it's more like 2 and 2 again after 3 hours of fighting pain).

i just need to be realistic about the surgery i had done and know that a goal i should have is being completely off crutches by week 3 or 4, NOT 1 1/2!

i'm not a super hero and i need to be understanding to myself, all of this is going to take a lot of time and the reality is that i will be "normal" by six months to a year. there is a reason i have 8+ weeks off of work...i will need it!

i guess i can also talk about my scars and bruising too...eek! :|

the suture sites look great! i'm scabbed over a bit, but they are pretty good. i might start using mederma or such as the sites are getting dry. the bruising is fading, but amazingly still dark! i do bruise easily so i assume the bruising will be around for at least another week. one of the weirdest parts is how sensitive the  bruising and local area still is. i didn't expect my skin to be so sensitive...

all in all i am in a great place at two weeks. i'm up and about, in fairly good spirits (better than i thought), and managing pain. i'm blessed to be spending two weeks with my brother, his wife and my little 7 month old niece. her smile makes me feel much better.

here's to another 2 weeks, another 2 weeks of major recovery and more milestones!

can i see it?

i realized its hard to imagine what post-op is like without pictures. i thought about it again and realized the pictures are really gross! there is a lot of bruising, with lots of colors, and the incisions aren't too bad, but not pretty! i bet if you google it there is someone brave enough to post pictures of their nasty thigh on the internet, but i'm not there yet ;)

1 week post op-day 8

i can't believe a week has passed. i am doing amazing! i did have a fall two days ago that left me crying for over 20 minutes and more than anything scared.

what would i do if i hurt myself and undid everything that was done in surgery. i reeled and thought i broke my hip or that i might be worse than before surgery. this was my first day home alone, there was no-one to help me and soothe my fragile, norco addicted/withdrawing brain. i was shaking, it was bad. i don't think i have ever been that scared, that menaced by an event. needless to say i was mighty sore yesterday, but am feeling like a new woman today!

Besides the "knotting" in my joint and minor pain i am doing really well. my energy is still low and i know when i out do myself, but today my friend "m" took me out of the house! i went to my starbucks and we even grabbed lunch and i sat at the restaurant, pretty much discomfort free, pretty much! I guess i don't have a lot of memory of my hip feeling good, so a day where i can actually sit! at a restaurant is a good day! pre-op i would second guess every trip out with friends that required me to sit. i would have to pop a pill to make it through, and i haven't taken anything today. i really can't believe it! okay, lets be honest, i'm exhausted now and i ache, but nothing like pre-op.

yesterday my friend a took be out of the house for fro yo and that was a stretch so to be out for about two hours today is amazing. now think of everything that was done to my hip, can you believe that i can walk without crutches today?!?

one thing i had mentioned was the norco withdraws. i've been on norco (10/325) for about 6-7 months. I've taken norco about 3+ times every days and am finally at a point where i don't need it but my body does. withdrawing makes me anxious, agitated, uncomfortable, and it brings on a pain that comes from nowhere. I'm down to, thankfully, just one at night. this is my worst pain time anyway, so its good i'm taking it then, but i'm hoping that tomorrow i can take half a dose and not withdraw in any way shape or form.

what an amazing procedure, and what amazing hands my surgeon has to be where i am now!

Post op day 4

This has been completely different than I thought it would be.

I'm up on my feet, with crutches, but up on my feet...okay every once and a while I don't use the crutches. I probably shouldn't do that yet.

The last few days have been a mark of improvement. Every morning I wake up and I have more muscle control, less pain, less swelling and I can function a bit more normal. I did push it the last two days, pushing myself to walk, stand, keep up with my family and baby niece; and am consequently exhausted today. I can sleep a 10+ hour night and feel well rested. It is amazing what the body needs after a surgery.

I'm looking forward to the small and big steps in my recovery. I really can't believe what I am capable of at day 4 post op.

Here's to speedy, and smooth recovery!

It's done...

Yesterday was the day! What a crazy ride it was!

Nerve block? Check!

Bone shaved? Check!

Labrum repaired? Check!

Breathing tube? Check!

Three hours under? Check!

Out of the hospital two hours after surgery is done? Check!

How insane it is that I was in my own bed less three hours after surgery? And let me tell you, this has not been the easiest of journeys.

The first thing I remember when waking up was the pain. Pain meds in my IV and two percoset (SP) took over an hour to make enough of a difference to want to go home. The pain gives me chills and makes me really cold, leaving the motivation to get up very low. Getting up is painful, I'm definitely swollen and the bruising is showing itself. I look pretty dynamic!

But, surgery went so well! Like I said before, surgery took over three hours and everything was addressed. Hip bone shaved, labrum sutured back to the bone, femur pulled out of the socket and shaved, and the joint around the side of my hip cleaned. Dr Powell is confident in the success of the surgery and so am I!

The staff that worked around me was amazing! Friendly, hilarious and one of my anesthisiologists was cute to boot! Too bad he saw me in compromising positions on the operating table!

This post has taken me all morning to write. The pain makes it hard to concentrate and I'm still exhausted, but I'm trying to keep my spirits up. I've only cried once due to a mix of nausea, shakes and pain. I consider that pretty good! :D

Here's to a speedy and FULL recovery!

peace...

Okay, t-minus 7 hours. I should be asleep, but I doubt the sleep I get is going to be very restful. I will be waiting for my 4:45am wake up call.

One of my good friend's R stopped by, we ate my "last supper" (I probably won't eat for a day or two), chatted and she prayed for me. I feel ready, at peace. This has been so long awaited in my mind, now that it is here it doesn't seem real; but it is! I am going to get my hip fixed!

Bring it on Dr. Powell!

the time is now...

Less than 48 hours and the process will begin. I cannot believe I am finally here. Though with that comes a mix, a cacophony of emotions.

A sigh of relief, I’m here!

Bouts of anxiety, oh my gosh what am I doing?

Peace, the timing is right…I’m going to be okay.

I still wonder if this is going to be a success, how bad is the pain going to be, am I going to battle depression through this, are people really going to be there for me-are they going to forget about me? I never really admit that I’m a doubter, well okay maybe I am now, but I always hold a place that keeps a low expectation of what is going to happen. This is a place where I self deprecate, and do the same for others; things really aren’t going to work out, I’m going to be let down, someone’s going to fall through. I don’t want to keep low expectations, but I don’t want to expect too much. Basically, I don’t want to get to a place where I spiral in disappointment; but I am left in perpetual disappointment in this headspace, doubting that the best is going to happen.

Now that it is the turn of a new year maybe this should be my resolution. I should count on the best and believe that people, myself included, are capable of more.

So here it is:

I declare that,

I will have an impeccable recovery
People will love and care for me and I will not be forgotten
I am the beholder of my emotion and
     with the strength of God and positive self talk
     I will make it through post-op in mental and emotional health


Thank you for stopping in on this journey of mine. I will keep you all posted on the recovery, and lets be honest, I bet I will be typing away the night before