merry christmas!
i am trying to even remember what it was like a year ago. last christmas was just a week or so before surgery.
it is probably good that i am starting to forget what life was like this past year. finally getting over the hump of being inundated with thoughts of my hip.
i am blessed.
i will take recovery at any rate! one year, two years...however long it takes.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
freedom
taking a look back at what life was like a year ago is a huge reality check.
i look back at the anxiety and fear i carried around. i was controlled by my physical limitations, and the emotional and mental strain chronic pain had on me. there was the unknown of if the surgery would heal me, if i would live with this for the rest of my life.
how is chronic hip-pain going to direct what my future looks like?
i am 11 months and 2 weeks post-op and life sure looks different.
i still live with fear of the pain resurfacing like it was, injuring my hip again, and whether or not the pain i still have will be there forever; but i am bound and determined to not let it determine who i am and what i can do. i am actually at a point where i CAN do most things. i CAN walk with limited to NO pain. i CAN live a normal life with a bum hip. i CAN.
my hip is not perfect, but the reality that i can't allow a limitation to determine my future is my new reality.
this last year has been such a transformation. overcoming not only physical pain, but emotional and mental pain as well. i no longer allow the fear to bind me.
this last year has been a mountain i think i have finally conquered.
i look back at the anxiety and fear i carried around. i was controlled by my physical limitations, and the emotional and mental strain chronic pain had on me. there was the unknown of if the surgery would heal me, if i would live with this for the rest of my life.
how is chronic hip-pain going to direct what my future looks like?
i am 11 months and 2 weeks post-op and life sure looks different.
i still live with fear of the pain resurfacing like it was, injuring my hip again, and whether or not the pain i still have will be there forever; but i am bound and determined to not let it determine who i am and what i can do. i am actually at a point where i CAN do most things. i CAN walk with limited to NO pain. i CAN live a normal life with a bum hip. i CAN.
my hip is not perfect, but the reality that i can't allow a limitation to determine my future is my new reality.
this last year has been such a transformation. overcoming not only physical pain, but emotional and mental pain as well. i no longer allow the fear to bind me.
this last year has been a mountain i think i have finally conquered.
 |
| wristband for surgery - 1.4.11 |
Sunday, December 11, 2011
my how time flies...
as the one year mark approaches there is a lot to process through.
there have been a lot of changes in my life since this escapade started in may of 2010...
as i get closer and closer i want to focus on one aspect of change/process/growth that has occurred surgery in january of 2011. i will try and stay positive! life is looking up so my debbie downer days are, slowly, turnging into something beautiful.
sit back, relax and join me as i take a look back over this last year...
there have been a lot of changes in my life since this escapade started in may of 2010...
as i get closer and closer i want to focus on one aspect of change/process/growth that has occurred surgery in january of 2011. i will try and stay positive! life is looking up so my debbie downer days are, slowly, turnging into something beautiful.
sit back, relax and join me as i take a look back over this last year...
 |
| three months post-op at my thinking spot or happy place. many an afternoon was spent here. listening to the waves, praying and waiting |
**posts are coming...i did say sit back and relax...they're coming**
Thursday, September 29, 2011
working my glutes...
yesterday was the first day of physical therapy post-op. what an exhausting hour. my pt found every sore spot, for better or for worse.
when it comes down to it i have a few mechanical issues.
· my hips are rotated
One thing that is happening in not engaging my glutes, the abnormal tilt to my hips and the general imbalance of my body, my musculoskeletal system is taking a hit. i am pushing my femur forward in the acetabulum, continuing to impinge the joint. what?! furthering impingement? yes, that is correct.
where to go from here?
well, thankfully my pt has a course of action. this course of actions starts with two very simple glute activating exercises. yes, i will be working on re-activating my glutes to start working again. from there it is retraining my body, and fixing the musculoskeletal issues. we will be working to get my femur back into correct positioning.
not out of the woods, but i am a glute exercise away! ...of sorts...
when it comes down to it i have a few mechanical issues.
· my hips are rotated
i knew this from before, but it is a good reminder of my body mechanics. having rotated hips (i can't remember if it is anterior rotation (forward) or if the sockets are inverted towards one another ) means my external rotation (rotating my femur clockwise in my socket while my leg is flexed at 90°) is much easier than my internal roation (rotating my hip counter-clockwise while my leg is flexed at 90°).
 |
| internal rotation http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK266/bin/ch158f14.jpg |
i'm fascinated with all of this so bare with me!· i am not activating my glutes
basically i have been activating my piriformis instead of my glutes. i have been making a tiny muscle do the work of a large (granted mine isn't as large as it was) muscle.
 |
| large gluteus |
 | |
| tiny pirifrmis |
One thing that is happening in not engaging my glutes, the abnormal tilt to my hips and the general imbalance of my body, my musculoskeletal system is taking a hit. i am pushing my femur forward in the acetabulum, continuing to impinge the joint. what?! furthering impingement? yes, that is correct.
where to go from here?
well, thankfully my pt has a course of action. this course of actions starts with two very simple glute activating exercises. yes, i will be working on re-activating my glutes to start working again. from there it is retraining my body, and fixing the musculoskeletal issues. we will be working to get my femur back into correct positioning.
not out of the woods, but i am a glute exercise away! ...of sorts...
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
8 1/2 months post-op (37 weeks!)
so i have been hesitant to write any updates. i don't want to jinx any progress!
the beginning of this month, pretty much right on my 8 month surgery anniversary, i woke up pain free. yes, you read that right...pain free.
now, see, the hesitance comes from my track record. my hip starts feeling better, i push it, and am then back to peg...way to far down the board, that i have lost hope in all of this too many times.
to be honest, i saw a glimmer of what my life IS going to look like. my muscles were loose, my joint was smooth, and i did not feel limited. it was really freeing. it made me realize how much i have been letting my physical limitation, especially pain, hold be back. the reality is that mechanically i am golden now. the pain i feel, once again, is tendons and muscles working and doing things they have not done in at least three months, more realistically closer to a year. my body is not working perfectly which brings about aches and pains, but with time this will all subside. i am thankful for the glimmer of what is to come and for the continued healing
this process has been depressing. the reality is that i am a fragile person. i may seem tough and together, but i am the one who is lulled to sleep by my anxiety.
the big breakthrough happened a few days after i finally, truly, gave up a lot of my worry. i finally rallied a troop of people to pray for me, i let go, and let God take control. i know it sounds so cheesy and cliche, but it was the only thing that has taken my mind off of my pain, given me a few good days and allowed me to free myself from the chains of this ordeal. it is so easy to get caught up in the circle of disappointment in all of this, but the reality is, i am blessed. i have insurance, my finances always iron out no matter how stressful, and i am taken care of.
i am still reminded that this has never been life or death. i am still in tact and matter of fact i am functioning better than i was 15 months ago.
while having coffee with a dear friend this morning i ran into a customer i have not see in a few months. he was thin, wearing a stocking cap with his stringy hair peeking out from underneath. we were chatting and catching up, and he so nicely asked me how i was doing with my hip, not working right now and he was encouraging about the benefits of a positive attitude in all of this. he pointed to his cap "this isn't a fashion statement".
i politely asked, "if you don't mind, can i ask what happened?"
"leukemia" he said.
a few months ago he started feeling neck and back pain, and a fever that spiked and fell consistently. two months ago he went to the ER and was in chemo the next day. the doctor told him if he would have waited two more weeks he wouldn't be alive.
i held it together, holding back tears and encouraged him at the end; and as he was turning to walk away i told him "i don't know if you subscribe to it, but i will be praying for you."
he stopped, and said "i do".
he told me he has had a lot of people praying for him. family, friends and a Bible study. he truly believes that after only two months of chemo, the only reasons why he is alive and in remission, yes! REMISSION, is that people have been praying and he has not allowed himself to pity the situation once!
i am blessed. i have never had the words, if you would have waited two more weeks you wouldn't be here.
i am blessed. i am in recovery, i am healing and my pain is less by the day.
i am blessed. i have a peace that passes all understanding in this, all when i let go and let God take care of me and my situation.
i am blessed.
the beginning of this month, pretty much right on my 8 month surgery anniversary, i woke up pain free. yes, you read that right...pain free.
now, see, the hesitance comes from my track record. my hip starts feeling better, i push it, and am then back to peg...way to far down the board, that i have lost hope in all of this too many times.
to be honest, i saw a glimmer of what my life IS going to look like. my muscles were loose, my joint was smooth, and i did not feel limited. it was really freeing. it made me realize how much i have been letting my physical limitation, especially pain, hold be back. the reality is that mechanically i am golden now. the pain i feel, once again, is tendons and muscles working and doing things they have not done in at least three months, more realistically closer to a year. my body is not working perfectly which brings about aches and pains, but with time this will all subside. i am thankful for the glimmer of what is to come and for the continued healing
this process has been depressing. the reality is that i am a fragile person. i may seem tough and together, but i am the one who is lulled to sleep by my anxiety.
the big breakthrough happened a few days after i finally, truly, gave up a lot of my worry. i finally rallied a troop of people to pray for me, i let go, and let God take control. i know it sounds so cheesy and cliche, but it was the only thing that has taken my mind off of my pain, given me a few good days and allowed me to free myself from the chains of this ordeal. it is so easy to get caught up in the circle of disappointment in all of this, but the reality is, i am blessed. i have insurance, my finances always iron out no matter how stressful, and i am taken care of.
i am still reminded that this has never been life or death. i am still in tact and matter of fact i am functioning better than i was 15 months ago.
while having coffee with a dear friend this morning i ran into a customer i have not see in a few months. he was thin, wearing a stocking cap with his stringy hair peeking out from underneath. we were chatting and catching up, and he so nicely asked me how i was doing with my hip, not working right now and he was encouraging about the benefits of a positive attitude in all of this. he pointed to his cap "this isn't a fashion statement".
i politely asked, "if you don't mind, can i ask what happened?"
"leukemia" he said.
a few months ago he started feeling neck and back pain, and a fever that spiked and fell consistently. two months ago he went to the ER and was in chemo the next day. the doctor told him if he would have waited two more weeks he wouldn't be alive.
i held it together, holding back tears and encouraged him at the end; and as he was turning to walk away i told him "i don't know if you subscribe to it, but i will be praying for you."
he stopped, and said "i do".
he told me he has had a lot of people praying for him. family, friends and a Bible study. he truly believes that after only two months of chemo, the only reasons why he is alive and in remission, yes! REMISSION, is that people have been praying and he has not allowed himself to pity the situation once!
i am blessed. i have never had the words, if you would have waited two more weeks you wouldn't be here.
i am blessed. i am in recovery, i am healing and my pain is less by the day.
i am blessed. i have a peace that passes all understanding in this, all when i let go and let God take care of me and my situation.
i am blessed.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
confused...
i got the call from my surgeon today. i'm still wondering if it was good news or bad news. the build up for this last week has been hope for an answer. a definite answer as to why i am in this much pain.
good news is that my labrum and cartilage look great. everything is attached, no debris, looking good. the only abnormality, if that is even what you can call it that, is that the capsule is not healed yet. the capsule is removed/pulled away during surgery so that the surgeon can pull the femur out of the socket, and get to the femur and acetabulum for bone removal.
my surgeon doesn't usually do an mri-a at this point post-op so we really don't know what the capsule should look like. we are at a complete loss as to what might be causing me this much pain at this point. this is deflating. all i wanted was a, "this is what is causing the pain".
i am left with a waiting period and praying that things will settle down. my 3 months of disability may be extended and with no answers i am wondering what is next. i am completely confused and baffled by my body. just plain confused.
i will get in to see the pt, hopefully in the next two weeks, to see what we can do to get my body functioning properly again.
thankfully my hope is not in my abilities or what i can accomplish, but in the unseen. this is not the end all to be all. this is just the continuation of this journey. i have more to gain from this struggle and i don't want to miss the opportunity while i wallow in my pain.
good news is that my labrum and cartilage look great. everything is attached, no debris, looking good. the only abnormality, if that is even what you can call it that, is that the capsule is not healed yet. the capsule is removed/pulled away during surgery so that the surgeon can pull the femur out of the socket, and get to the femur and acetabulum for bone removal.
my surgeon doesn't usually do an mri-a at this point post-op so we really don't know what the capsule should look like. we are at a complete loss as to what might be causing me this much pain at this point. this is deflating. all i wanted was a, "this is what is causing the pain".
i am left with a waiting period and praying that things will settle down. my 3 months of disability may be extended and with no answers i am wondering what is next. i am completely confused and baffled by my body. just plain confused.
i will get in to see the pt, hopefully in the next two weeks, to see what we can do to get my body functioning properly again.
thankfully my hope is not in my abilities or what i can accomplish, but in the unseen. this is not the end all to be all. this is just the continuation of this journey. i have more to gain from this struggle and i don't want to miss the opportunity while i wallow in my pain.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
ouch...
mri-a with flouroscopy #2, check!
i am hurting, and i broke down and took a vicodin to ease the pain. am i a big baby or are things really to this point???
the mri-a was a lot quicker this time around. the flourscopy, the x-ray guided injection into the hip joint, was half as long as the last time and hence half as painful. so thankful for that. the mri itself was the longest 30 minutes i've experienced in quite some time. talk about antsy at the end.
i am just thankful that i am 1 or 2 days away from some answers! will it be another surgery? i'm kind of bracing for that. all i want is a solution. if it's surgery, bring it on! if not, well hot dog!
here's to answers by friday!
and thank you everyone who has been praying for me. i am feeling the love and the peace. xoxo
OH, and a picture of my amazing healing scars. two of the three at least.
i am hurting, and i broke down and took a vicodin to ease the pain. am i a big baby or are things really to this point???
the mri-a was a lot quicker this time around. the flourscopy, the x-ray guided injection into the hip joint, was half as long as the last time and hence half as painful. so thankful for that. the mri itself was the longest 30 minutes i've experienced in quite some time. talk about antsy at the end.
i am just thankful that i am 1 or 2 days away from some answers! will it be another surgery? i'm kind of bracing for that. all i want is a solution. if it's surgery, bring it on! if not, well hot dog!
here's to answers by friday!
and thank you everyone who has been praying for me. i am feeling the love and the peace. xoxo
OH, and a picture of my amazing healing scars. two of the three at least.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
do i realize?
only a couple days away from getting the mri-arthrogram, and hopefully some answers.
i'm nervous and antsy about this next step. what do the next couple months have in store? will i be going back in for surgery? will i have an answer?
i am also filling my thoughts with anxiety about how lonely this road is and is getting. it ends up being a lot of days where i am alone, and people are busy. i sometimes wish everyone else' lives would slow down just a tad so they could come over, we could watch a movie, eat dark chocolate, and paint our nails. i wish people could slow down their agendas to my pace. i wish i could interrupt their run for the night, or the every night hangout they have with their boyfriend...i wish i could interrupt what agenda people have and they could just slow down with me...selfish, yes, i know.
i am pretty sure i am pretty boring right now. i am low energy because of pain, i'm poor/on disability so i don't have a lot of expendable income, and i just don't feel fun...
i'm realizing that in all of this i am having to be okay with me. i hang out with me all day and i have to be okay with my thoughts, with my activities (or lack there of), i have to be okay with the fact that God allows us to suffer.
this was a breakthrough for me. i was realizing how NOT okay i was with the events of the last year and 3 months or so. i realized that i was inhibiting the possibility of growth in my doubts. with my bitterness i was stuck.
the reality is though that every moment i doubt i'm being taken care of God reminds me of just HOW taken care of i really am. none of this looks like i want it, or how i thought it would, but i am taken care of.
so...here's to a couple days of calming the angst and allowing for growth in all of this!
i'm nervous and antsy about this next step. what do the next couple months have in store? will i be going back in for surgery? will i have an answer?
i am also filling my thoughts with anxiety about how lonely this road is and is getting. it ends up being a lot of days where i am alone, and people are busy. i sometimes wish everyone else' lives would slow down just a tad so they could come over, we could watch a movie, eat dark chocolate, and paint our nails. i wish people could slow down their agendas to my pace. i wish i could interrupt their run for the night, or the every night hangout they have with their boyfriend...i wish i could interrupt what agenda people have and they could just slow down with me...selfish, yes, i know.
i am pretty sure i am pretty boring right now. i am low energy because of pain, i'm poor/on disability so i don't have a lot of expendable income, and i just don't feel fun...
i'm realizing that in all of this i am having to be okay with me. i hang out with me all day and i have to be okay with my thoughts, with my activities (or lack there of), i have to be okay with the fact that God allows us to suffer.
this was a breakthrough for me. i was realizing how NOT okay i was with the events of the last year and 3 months or so. i realized that i was inhibiting the possibility of growth in my doubts. with my bitterness i was stuck.
the reality is though that every moment i doubt i'm being taken care of God reminds me of just HOW taken care of i really am. none of this looks like i want it, or how i thought it would, but i am taken care of.
so...here's to a couple days of calming the angst and allowing for growth in all of this!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
pain management...
or lack there of...
what options are there for pain management?
i'm up at 12:45 in pain and i am so tempted to grab a norco out of the medicine cabinet to dull the pain.
truth is, with how difficult of a time i had being on and getting off of norco before, i really don't want to start that cycle again.
i'll give it anther hour...
*addendum*
well I did it. I broke down. I cut back to a vicodin though.
Great part is it really helped with my pain. I could sleep. well, until I woke up nauseous at 4 and threw up twice by 5 this morning!
Needless to say I don't think I'm quite used to the hard drugs again, but I'm still debating if i'd rather throw up again or deal with pain...and I hate throwing up!
what options are there for pain management?
i'm up at 12:45 in pain and i am so tempted to grab a norco out of the medicine cabinet to dull the pain.
truth is, with how difficult of a time i had being on and getting off of norco before, i really don't want to start that cycle again.
i'll give it anther hour...
*addendum*
well I did it. I broke down. I cut back to a vicodin though.
Great part is it really helped with my pain. I could sleep. well, until I woke up nauseous at 4 and threw up twice by 5 this morning!
Needless to say I don't think I'm quite used to the hard drugs again, but I'm still debating if i'd rather throw up again or deal with pain...and I hate throwing up!
Monday, August 22, 2011
the waiting game again...
well, getting my mri-arthrogram can't come quick enough! remember my last one? i am nervous about a giant needle probing in my hip again, but after the night i had last night i'll do almost anything to find a solution and get relief.
i was up from 3am-7am in pain. i remember the days, weeks, months not too long ago when this was my reality every night. it really scares me that things could get to that place again.
i go in next tuesday on august 30th for my second mri-arthrogram...wish me luck!
i was up from 3am-7am in pain. i remember the days, weeks, months not too long ago when this was my reality every night. it really scares me that things could get to that place again.
i go in next tuesday on august 30th for my second mri-arthrogram...wish me luck!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
heat...
wow, i never thought i would be back to heating the hip and skipping out on things because i am in pain.
i am looking forward to my arthrogram, well not the actual procedure (i'm not crazy!), but excited because it will lead to answers. well, hopefully lead to answers.
i'm calling tomorrow to see if i can make my mri-a appt...*crossing fingers*
i am looking forward to my arthrogram, well not the actual procedure (i'm not crazy!), but excited because it will lead to answers. well, hopefully lead to answers.
i'm calling tomorrow to see if i can make my mri-a appt...*crossing fingers*
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
reality check...
today was my 6 month post-op appointment, which is actually my 7 1/2 month post-op appointment. i wish i had good news...well who knows what kind of news this is. the reality is i look at worst case scenario and go from there. i'd rather be prepared than shocked, and at this point my worst case scenarios have been right...argh!
okay, back to news. i am scheduling, in the next couple days, another mri-arthrogram (remember my last one?). we will rule in or out whether my labrum has re-torn or not.
reality is, i simply want to know why at 7 months post-op i am in this much pain. if it means i have re-torn my labrum lets find it and fix it NOW.
the thought of going through another hip surgery is numbing. i don't really know how i feel about it. what is a new recovery going to be like? is this surgery going to make me better? if it solves my problem i want to go through it again, this time i hope it all works...
it is so hard to be content in all of this though. i've been trying really hard in the last couple weeks to find the silver lining. i can find things, but believing the silver lining as reality is still a process. i guess life was never meant to be easy. this is a fight i needed to have and i will keep fighting until i have some more answers and my body is pain free!
here's to a speedy process and answers...
okay, back to news. i am scheduling, in the next couple days, another mri-arthrogram (remember my last one?). we will rule in or out whether my labrum has re-torn or not.
the thought of going through another hip surgery is numbing. i don't really know how i feel about it. what is a new recovery going to be like? is this surgery going to make me better? if it solves my problem i want to go through it again, this time i hope it all works...
it is so hard to be content in all of this though. i've been trying really hard in the last couple weeks to find the silver lining. i can find things, but believing the silver lining as reality is still a process. i guess life was never meant to be easy. this is a fight i needed to have and i will keep fighting until i have some more answers and my body is pain free!
here's to a speedy process and answers...
Sunday, August 7, 2011
7 month post-op
7 months post-op. wow. time flies, even when you're not having fun.
i am a little over a month into my second round of disability and learning to be still. with strict orders to only be moving and up for about 20 minutes in every hour, for a max of 4 hours in the day, i am truly going a little stir crazy. the reality is though that this time has been my saving grace.
with constant inflammation from april to the beginning of july, i didn't know how i was ever going to heal. it took a solid couple weeks for my hip to finally settle down. i can now say that with limited mobility i am feeling like a new person.
my muscles and tendons are starting to feel the effects of limited mobility, and shock when i try and push myself too hard. my joint is still easily inflamed and i am even sitting now in pain, but so much less so that a month ago. man, o, man how i hate that i am at the point i am in recovery, but blessed that i have the ability to recover. i get an income with disability, i live with my parents rent free, i have friends and a church community that loves me. i am blessed even in the midsts of what could be an even darker journey.
this process is long, and i don't know when my pain will end; but i hope i can hold onto the quiet moments i have to rest, recover, and soak in moments not many people get. i have the opportunity to revive my weary body, mind and soul. i am blessed to have the time where i can prune a better me and come out of this process someone i could never have become without these forced moments of stillness.
i am a little over a month into my second round of disability and learning to be still. with strict orders to only be moving and up for about 20 minutes in every hour, for a max of 4 hours in the day, i am truly going a little stir crazy. the reality is though that this time has been my saving grace.
with constant inflammation from april to the beginning of july, i didn't know how i was ever going to heal. it took a solid couple weeks for my hip to finally settle down. i can now say that with limited mobility i am feeling like a new person.
my muscles and tendons are starting to feel the effects of limited mobility, and shock when i try and push myself too hard. my joint is still easily inflamed and i am even sitting now in pain, but so much less so that a month ago. man, o, man how i hate that i am at the point i am in recovery, but blessed that i have the ability to recover. i get an income with disability, i live with my parents rent free, i have friends and a church community that loves me. i am blessed even in the midsts of what could be an even darker journey.
this process is long, and i don't know when my pain will end; but i hope i can hold onto the quiet moments i have to rest, recover, and soak in moments not many people get. i have the opportunity to revive my weary body, mind and soul. i am blessed to have the time where i can prune a better me and come out of this process someone i could never have become without these forced moments of stillness.
Friday, July 1, 2011
looking up...
i write this blog for others to experience what life is like with femoroacetabular impingement (fai), what having a labral tear is like, what post-op life is like and everything in between. i also write this blog for myself. it is a good way to process through this journey, with my fingers tapping at my computer. i can pound away and the stress of it all rushes out of me.
i can't tell you how stressful this process has been for me.
the last few sleepless nights have led to exhaustion, but thankfully i have dealt with the disability process before and things are always easier the second time around. all phone calls have been made, and packets are on there ways to various departments for various importance...its hard to keep track...
i got a hold of the leave administration at work and was left with a load of relief. before contacting i was expecting to be left with no leave, no insurance, and ultimately no job...no nothing. thank goodness i made the call to cover my basis because when my family medical leave runs out (which i still have 3 weeks of!) i have medical leave! i don't necessarily have my old job back, but the company will do its best to place me when my disability is over. i don't know if my body can handle going back to my old job, but nonetheless i get to keep insurance (praise the Lord), and the benefits of still being with the company. huge stressor gone.
ultimately there are lights in this really dark tunnel. there is hope that things will get better and the reality is that this surgery and its recovery is unpredictable. everyone heals at a different pace and my pace might be a tad slower.
who knows what blessings in a really good disguise will come.
i can't tell you how stressful this process has been for me.
the last few sleepless nights have led to exhaustion, but thankfully i have dealt with the disability process before and things are always easier the second time around. all phone calls have been made, and packets are on there ways to various departments for various importance...its hard to keep track...
i got a hold of the leave administration at work and was left with a load of relief. before contacting i was expecting to be left with no leave, no insurance, and ultimately no job...no nothing. thank goodness i made the call to cover my basis because when my family medical leave runs out (which i still have 3 weeks of!) i have medical leave! i don't necessarily have my old job back, but the company will do its best to place me when my disability is over. i don't know if my body can handle going back to my old job, but nonetheless i get to keep insurance (praise the Lord), and the benefits of still being with the company. huge stressor gone.
ultimately there are lights in this really dark tunnel. there is hope that things will get better and the reality is that this surgery and its recovery is unpredictable. everyone heals at a different pace and my pace might be a tad slower.
who knows what blessings in a really good disguise will come.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
almost 6 months post-op
i'm only a few days away from being 6 months post-op and i am back on disability.
i am deflated.
this has been a journey that hasn't left me with many ups, but a lot of downs. i know i will get there, i have to.
on tuesday evening i emailed my doctor with some questions about increasing pain and the request for a modified work status report. a work status report is the all poewerfull piece of paper that states exactly what you can and can't do at work and home. at the end of march when i returned to work i was back at full duty according to my work status report.
for the last few weeks, especially, i have been in increasing pain. and since i have not been able to work full duty since march i decided i should get on modifying my work status to what i am actually capable of doing at work. i also wanted to be covered under the american's with disabilities act.
thankfully my doctor responded by tuesday morning with his nurse calling me back that they had a completed work status for me. one things she also mentioned was that they modified it to work only 4 hours a day. this made me nervous. no matter how much pain i am in it is a catch to only be able to work 4 hours a day.
do i get partial disability? will i make enough money if not? i called back after work that afternoon and promptly picked up the work status at one of the closest orthopedics office. i sank as i read the work status report.
i didn't sleep tuesday night. i was worried, scared, anxious.
how is all of this going to work out?
i went in early to work on wednesday and gave the paperwork to my boss. my work status report was denied.
one catch with this process is that i do not have any family, medical leave left. i can't take anymore leave from work, which means i can no longer be employed at my place of work. i will now loose my insurance, be left to find a job at the end of september and have no idea how i am going to pay bills or how any of this is going to work out.
pushing paper for myself is one of the most exhausting tasks. i am emotionally drained and the 5 phone calls i have to make today, in hopes things will clear up, are seeming meaningless.
i need to get on disability, i have to work on getting medi-cal so i have medical care while on disability...i know there is more and i'm burned out already.
this has been over a year of jumping through hoops, advocating for myself, getting paper pushed, care when i want and need it, and missing the mark on so many occasions. i'm ready for this to be over.
i hope that a good update comes soon. maybe after reading this in a few days i'll have realized some of the good in this situation and update on a lighter note. i guess the reality is though that this is reality. in the process of repairing fai and labral tears and surgery in general it isn't easy.
they aren't kidding when they tell you a hip replacement is easier than this!
i am deflated.
this has been a journey that hasn't left me with many ups, but a lot of downs. i know i will get there, i have to.
on tuesday evening i emailed my doctor with some questions about increasing pain and the request for a modified work status report. a work status report is the all poewerfull piece of paper that states exactly what you can and can't do at work and home. at the end of march when i returned to work i was back at full duty according to my work status report.
for the last few weeks, especially, i have been in increasing pain. and since i have not been able to work full duty since march i decided i should get on modifying my work status to what i am actually capable of doing at work. i also wanted to be covered under the american's with disabilities act.
thankfully my doctor responded by tuesday morning with his nurse calling me back that they had a completed work status for me. one things she also mentioned was that they modified it to work only 4 hours a day. this made me nervous. no matter how much pain i am in it is a catch to only be able to work 4 hours a day.
do i get partial disability? will i make enough money if not? i called back after work that afternoon and promptly picked up the work status at one of the closest orthopedics office. i sank as i read the work status report.
stand no more than 10 cumulative minutes every hour, for no more than 4 hours per daybeing that my job requires me to stand and walk for 4-8 hours of the day and i have to squat, lift, push and pull all types of material i was deflated. one of the caviats to a work status report is that if your employer can't accept you go on temporary and full disibility.
walk no more than 10 cumulative minutes every hour, for no more than 4 hours per day
Limited standing/walking, no squatting, no heavy lifting/push or pull
i didn't sleep tuesday night. i was worried, scared, anxious.
how is all of this going to work out?
i went in early to work on wednesday and gave the paperwork to my boss. my work status report was denied.
one catch with this process is that i do not have any family, medical leave left. i can't take anymore leave from work, which means i can no longer be employed at my place of work. i will now loose my insurance, be left to find a job at the end of september and have no idea how i am going to pay bills or how any of this is going to work out.
pushing paper for myself is one of the most exhausting tasks. i am emotionally drained and the 5 phone calls i have to make today, in hopes things will clear up, are seeming meaningless.
i need to get on disability, i have to work on getting medi-cal so i have medical care while on disability...i know there is more and i'm burned out already.
this has been over a year of jumping through hoops, advocating for myself, getting paper pushed, care when i want and need it, and missing the mark on so many occasions. i'm ready for this to be over.
i hope that a good update comes soon. maybe after reading this in a few days i'll have realized some of the good in this situation and update on a lighter note. i guess the reality is though that this is reality. in the process of repairing fai and labral tears and surgery in general it isn't easy.
they aren't kidding when they tell you a hip replacement is easier than this!
Monday, June 13, 2011
5 months down the chute...
i am a little over a week out from five months post-op.
i feel great! but, i am in pain every day and worsens after a long day on my feet, any activity or the opposite of too little activity.
i'm really struggling with the balance of being immensely thankful to not be where i was pre-op, i need to constantly remind myself of how utterly horrible that place was; and still being in daily pain. i hear so many people who are back to normal activity after 4 weeks, doing yoga classes at 3 months...yadda, yadda, yadda. is it something wrong with my mentality? or is it really my body being sensitive to post-op recovery?
i flair up at least once a day, where i feel inflammation and ache from my lower back, down through the hip and down my shins. it is my daily exhaustion. it is a settling in my bones that i can't wait to dissipate. i don't feel like doing a 20 minute set on the stationary bike after working and feeling like that!
anybody, where is the compromise? when does the ache go away? when does your body allow you to go for more that 2 hours without a break?
the word is that at 6 months to a year you feel great. i'm not counting on six months and i'm not counting on a year either...am i counting on ever being able to run, or push myself to the limits again? not really.
i feel so selfish sometimes though. i saw a man walking on the beach yesterday, joints working out of sink, muscles with barely any mobility and yet he was booking it down the beach. how thankful should i be that my body works, mechanically, as it should now. how much should i let pain and the fear of more pain get in my way?
this is a struggle. it is a catch 22. the joy that i have the possibility of being a pain-free person again, yet the reality that i'm not there yet and it is going to take a lot more time. i just don't know what is going to happen in between and how i'm going to get to the place of pain-free.
i feel great! but, i am in pain every day and worsens after a long day on my feet, any activity or the opposite of too little activity.
i'm really struggling with the balance of being immensely thankful to not be where i was pre-op, i need to constantly remind myself of how utterly horrible that place was; and still being in daily pain. i hear so many people who are back to normal activity after 4 weeks, doing yoga classes at 3 months...yadda, yadda, yadda. is it something wrong with my mentality? or is it really my body being sensitive to post-op recovery?
i flair up at least once a day, where i feel inflammation and ache from my lower back, down through the hip and down my shins. it is my daily exhaustion. it is a settling in my bones that i can't wait to dissipate. i don't feel like doing a 20 minute set on the stationary bike after working and feeling like that!
anybody, where is the compromise? when does the ache go away? when does your body allow you to go for more that 2 hours without a break?
the word is that at 6 months to a year you feel great. i'm not counting on six months and i'm not counting on a year either...am i counting on ever being able to run, or push myself to the limits again? not really.
i feel so selfish sometimes though. i saw a man walking on the beach yesterday, joints working out of sink, muscles with barely any mobility and yet he was booking it down the beach. how thankful should i be that my body works, mechanically, as it should now. how much should i let pain and the fear of more pain get in my way?
this is a struggle. it is a catch 22. the joy that i have the possibility of being a pain-free person again, yet the reality that i'm not there yet and it is going to take a lot more time. i just don't know what is going to happen in between and how i'm going to get to the place of pain-free.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Friday, May 20, 2011
19 1/2 weeks or 4 1/2 month post op
man, oh man. what a ride this is. i'm discouraged and worried that i will never be able to do the things i used to be able to do before this crazy hip incident.
i am stuck at a place i feel like i will never get out of.
my hip doesn't like a lot of different kinds of activities and it doesn't like no activity. where is this balance, this magical place that i am supposed to find? why can't someone just tell me exactly what to do and how to do it?
i have been reading up on some other people's post op advice and experiences and i finally came across a guy on facebook who i really think has it nailed down. he has had three hip surgeries to get the post op thing down. his honesty and candidness was refreshing. so many of us try to keep a positive outlook on how we are doing, giving advice on what is making our post op amazing; the reality is that this sucks! this guy was honest enough to say that the recovery process, in reality, takes two years.
so here are some of his words for insight. you can look them up on the understanding hip impingement, fai group on facebook (Tuesday 5.17.11, Justin Ross):
i am stuck at a place i feel like i will never get out of.
my hip doesn't like a lot of different kinds of activities and it doesn't like no activity. where is this balance, this magical place that i am supposed to find? why can't someone just tell me exactly what to do and how to do it?
i have been reading up on some other people's post op advice and experiences and i finally came across a guy on facebook who i really think has it nailed down. he has had three hip surgeries to get the post op thing down. his honesty and candidness was refreshing. so many of us try to keep a positive outlook on how we are doing, giving advice on what is making our post op amazing; the reality is that this sucks! this guy was honest enough to say that the recovery process, in reality, takes two years.
so here are some of his words for insight. you can look them up on the understanding hip impingement, fai group on facebook (Tuesday 5.17.11, Justin Ross):
In effort to provide some concerned post-op patients some relief please allow me to share my personal experiences with labral tears and FAI treatment. Short story, I had two hip arthroscopy's on my right and one on my left. My first was poorly done and impingement was not addressed, thus resulting in a second tear and a subsequent surgery. All three of my labral tears were vividly triggered while doing aggressive stretching. It should be noted I am athletic, but not an athlete.the conversation continues with great back and forth about post op if you want to take a peek at it...
Intense stretching and PT people do is great for athletes that NEED to quickly get back to there job being athletic and can accept the long-term consequences of rushing rehab. In reality, the hip is unlike any other part of the body, and it requires much more time and rest for it to recover (i.e. Minimum of 6 weeks for hip tears of the muscles/tendons/etc (excluding labral tears). It will take TWO years for the hip to recover from surgery, although relief and surgery benefits can be felt much sooner (i.e. Phillibon telling A. Rodriguez at his two year follow that he can now push his body). Many other surgeons can attest to this.
Achieving range of motion is great, but stretching like a ballerina will only put you back in the hospital because hips are not naturally designed to be subjected to extreme angles. Aggressive stretching and PT after surgery prolongs recovery because the body simply just needs time to repair itself (that is what inflammation does, albeit it is not comfortable and is quickly confused with something wrong happening).
Simply put, walk, gently stretch, ensure range of motion, trust you used a quality surgeon and let your hips relax after surgery. Personally, I spent two years visiting every prominent hip specialist and sports hernia specialist on the East coast surveying the best treatment and getting their anecdotal experiences because let's be honest, empirical evidence in medicine has its gray areas and underlying agenda if it is published.
Anecdotally speaking, I learned the best results are from those folks who did not follow their surgeons instructions to do PT because they could not afford it. They had quicker recovery times. I tried this approach on surgery number three and can attest to rest and range of motion being superior to stressing a recently operated hip with aggressive activities. I re-injured both hips post op stretching, not running or kicking, but educated stretching.
I value forums such as this one because they are a source of optimism and information about our hip conditions. Please let me know if I can offer further insights. The road to recovery is long, but it does bring many patients to a happier place, a place in which you do not feel your hips, and to me, I love being active and not noticing I have hips. Best wishes.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
4 month anniversary...
it has officially been 4 months since i had surgery. what a trip all of this has been.
i've been back at work for a month, all of my billing has gone through (eek!), my scars are healing nicely and i'm settling into post-op life.
to be honest this post-op life is difficult. there is a fine balance, i haven't quite figured out, of activity and rest. the pain comes with too little or too much activity and the in between is the golden-zone where you feel almost normal again. i'm excited to find that place and stick there for a while.
work kicked be in the rear for the first two-weeks back. the first two weeks were riddled with intense pain as the request for 4-6 hour shifts was ignored and my weak and inflamed hip couldn't handle the 7 and 8 hours on my feet. with not many options, and a what is seeming to be a non-understanding boss, i'm left working 17 hours a week with probably no promise of more hours. i'm soon to loose health insurance and any financial stability in the wake of post-op recovery.
and oh the medical billing finally processed, gaining another $1,200+ in medical bills. i guess i was naive to actually think that when i asked pre-op if my large payment was all i had to pay that it really was all i had to pay. i'm slowly, or quickly i guess, gaining an air of stress that is only tempered by daily trips to dog beach in the fresh southern california sunshine and the knowledge that my hope doesn't rely in job fulfillment, financial security, or independence but; solely on my hope in Christ alone. my sanity would be gone, sometimes it leaves me for a few but, i've got something bigger to grasp onto than the consumption of all of this.
despite the debbie-downer mentality i hold onto here and there i've tried to get myself out there. i went to the railroad revival tour in san pedro, ca on the 22nd, i get outside for at least a few hours a day and i am on the search for a fresh new start in a new job (Lord willing).
i knew all of this was going to be a process but, i didn't realize to what extent my life wouldn't return to "normal", whatever that really is, post-op. i'm settling into the reality that at a year post-op i'll be feeling good, not 6 months. i'm realizing how much i need more patience and drive. i need to not settle into apathy and acceptance of all of this but, to actually push myself harder than i want to at times. i can be at a better place, happy and full of joy through this process. i don't have to wait for an arrival. i'm blessed to have been given a fix to my ailment while that isn't always the case for others.
here's to the journey!
i've been back at work for a month, all of my billing has gone through (eek!), my scars are healing nicely and i'm settling into post-op life.
to be honest this post-op life is difficult. there is a fine balance, i haven't quite figured out, of activity and rest. the pain comes with too little or too much activity and the in between is the golden-zone where you feel almost normal again. i'm excited to find that place and stick there for a while.
work kicked be in the rear for the first two-weeks back. the first two weeks were riddled with intense pain as the request for 4-6 hour shifts was ignored and my weak and inflamed hip couldn't handle the 7 and 8 hours on my feet. with not many options, and a what is seeming to be a non-understanding boss, i'm left working 17 hours a week with probably no promise of more hours. i'm soon to loose health insurance and any financial stability in the wake of post-op recovery.
and oh the medical billing finally processed, gaining another $1,200+ in medical bills. i guess i was naive to actually think that when i asked pre-op if my large payment was all i had to pay that it really was all i had to pay. i'm slowly, or quickly i guess, gaining an air of stress that is only tempered by daily trips to dog beach in the fresh southern california sunshine and the knowledge that my hope doesn't rely in job fulfillment, financial security, or independence but; solely on my hope in Christ alone. my sanity would be gone, sometimes it leaves me for a few but, i've got something bigger to grasp onto than the consumption of all of this. i knew all of this was going to be a process but, i didn't realize to what extent my life wouldn't return to "normal", whatever that really is, post-op. i'm settling into the reality that at a year post-op i'll be feeling good, not 6 months. i'm realizing how much i need more patience and drive. i need to not settle into apathy and acceptance of all of this but, to actually push myself harder than i want to at times. i can be at a better place, happy and full of joy through this process. i don't have to wait for an arrival. i'm blessed to have been given a fix to my ailment while that isn't always the case for others.
here's to the journey!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
physical therapy...
this has been a long haul so far. i get discouraged easily and i get worn out from the constant something with my hip. i know that the atrophy is not getting better, and the first two weeks of work set me back a few. i started out a little too strong out the gate and have crashed! i'm back to only 4-6 hours on my feet and i'm starting a stretching and exercise routine for the specific areas i am weak in. what a difference 2 days has made! the second day of doing the routine and my bodies muscle memory is already kicking in. i could do up to 10 in a row versus the 3!!! i could do the first day! i can already tell what a difference this is going to make in my stamina, strength and in lessening my pain level. thank you rebecca!
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| my pt routine stuck to the fridge :) |
Monday, April 4, 2011
3 months down...
it is three months down as of today; January 4 - April 4. what amazing progress has been made!
i feel like this has to be some amazing THREE MONTH update, but really i am so used to all of this that i forget what i should tell people. i am still in pain, i've improved a lot and ultimately i feel blessed!
there were a couple days there when i was in so much pain and so uncomfortable that i almost wrote about how horrible things were going; i am so glad i didn't! i don't want to look back on these posts and dwell on the hard parts of all of this. i want to remember progress i've made and focus on where i have been blessed in all of this.
the honesty about all of this though is that there are bad days; when the weather changes, when i'm fighting something, when my hormones change...my hip doesn't lie. neither foes the other one. my hips don't lie (hopefully you got the reference ;p). i'm definitely not at 100%, and i am still weaker than a baby, but my how i have progressed.
by now all of my soft tissue should be fully healed and the labrum fully attached, yay! those are exciting new progresses that have been made. it kind of gives you an idea also of why certain areas are still painful and tender up until about three months. the body takes its sweet time knitting everything back together.
i was given some exercises to do by the husband of the couple that hosts the community group i go to through my church. it is amazing the resources that come out of the woodwork! i am excited to unpack the long list of things i can do to get myself healthy again. the fact that that is a possibility is amazing.
i have been going to dog beach at least twice a week, to walk around and get my dog's energy out. i've hiked once at mission trails, a tad nervous to go back as it was a chore for my body! i am trying to find activities i like to do, that i can do by myself or with the dog, all to get myself strong and healthy again...very hard to do!
so three months is down and hopefully only three more to go before i am 100% and then some!!!
i feel like this has to be some amazing THREE MONTH update, but really i am so used to all of this that i forget what i should tell people. i am still in pain, i've improved a lot and ultimately i feel blessed!
there were a couple days there when i was in so much pain and so uncomfortable that i almost wrote about how horrible things were going; i am so glad i didn't! i don't want to look back on these posts and dwell on the hard parts of all of this. i want to remember progress i've made and focus on where i have been blessed in all of this.
the honesty about all of this though is that there are bad days; when the weather changes, when i'm fighting something, when my hormones change...my hip doesn't lie. neither foes the other one. my hips don't lie (hopefully you got the reference ;p). i'm definitely not at 100%, and i am still weaker than a baby, but my how i have progressed.
by now all of my soft tissue should be fully healed and the labrum fully attached, yay! those are exciting new progresses that have been made. it kind of gives you an idea also of why certain areas are still painful and tender up until about three months. the body takes its sweet time knitting everything back together.
i was given some exercises to do by the husband of the couple that hosts the community group i go to through my church. it is amazing the resources that come out of the woodwork! i am excited to unpack the long list of things i can do to get myself healthy again. the fact that that is a possibility is amazing.
i have been going to dog beach at least twice a week, to walk around and get my dog's energy out. i've hiked once at mission trails, a tad nervous to go back as it was a chore for my body! i am trying to find activities i like to do, that i can do by myself or with the dog, all to get myself strong and healthy again...very hard to do!
so three months is down and hopefully only three more to go before i am 100% and then some!!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
hitch it...
i tweeted, facebooked and foursquared it!
i went on my first hike and it was amazing!
as i reached the top of the hill, with barely a breath, i welled up. how amazing is it that i am capable, i am able to take this weary body up a mountain pain free! yes, that is correct, i said pain free. well, lets be honest. i felt the burn, but the shooting pains of my past are just that, the past!
i was exhausted and slept 10 hours that night, but my gosh, the places i am going!
working again, hiking again, laughing again...i am in control of my body again!
with the new movement comes exhaustion, and an ache that has truly camped in my hip joint; but, i am capable.
here's to more hikes and a whole heck of a lot more trips to dog beach with the sweet mookie.
Friday, March 25, 2011
first day back...
my first day back to work and i am exhausted. you would have thought i had been building a house in the hot sun all day!
an hour in and i was sure i wasn't going to make it. the quick moving back and forth behind the counter, crouching to grab things out of cabinets, lifting coffee shuttles, all of it! i didn't think that the sharp pains would subside, but they did. the ache didn't and it still hasn't but i think ache has setup camp in my body and is going to stay for a while.
one thing i have realized is that the lack of muscle in the hip region is causing so much strain on the hip joint that i have got to get some muscle back to allow my body to heal. i heard isometric exercises are great for a joint injury and i might have to read up on some hip isometrics...clearly there are more technical terms to target specific areas, but my body is so weak that it could take days describing what needs strengthening. just picture a thigh and an indentation as to where a quad muscle once resided. that sums up the rest of the area too.
what a different place i am in though.
six months ago i couldn't dream of the things i am capable of now and just over three months ago i didn't think my body could physically get through another day of work.
my how i have changed and am in such a better place, despite the obstacles. i am in recovery, on the road to better.
*addendum*
i woke up this morning sore from head to toe. the workout that is my work is as tiring as, again, building a house in the hot sun, for a weakling like me! i'm about to start again today and wondering how these aching limbs are going to coordinate any movement. God give me the strength and even more patience today!
an hour in and i was sure i wasn't going to make it. the quick moving back and forth behind the counter, crouching to grab things out of cabinets, lifting coffee shuttles, all of it! i didn't think that the sharp pains would subside, but they did. the ache didn't and it still hasn't but i think ache has setup camp in my body and is going to stay for a while.
one thing i have realized is that the lack of muscle in the hip region is causing so much strain on the hip joint that i have got to get some muscle back to allow my body to heal. i heard isometric exercises are great for a joint injury and i might have to read up on some hip isometrics...clearly there are more technical terms to target specific areas, but my body is so weak that it could take days describing what needs strengthening. just picture a thigh and an indentation as to where a quad muscle once resided. that sums up the rest of the area too.
what a different place i am in though.
six months ago i couldn't dream of the things i am capable of now and just over three months ago i didn't think my body could physically get through another day of work.
my how i have changed and am in such a better place, despite the obstacles. i am in recovery, on the road to better.
*addendum*
i woke up this morning sore from head to toe. the workout that is my work is as tiring as, again, building a house in the hot sun, for a weakling like me! i'm about to start again today and wondering how these aching limbs are going to coordinate any movement. God give me the strength and even more patience today!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
the end, and a new beginning...
i have hit the end of disability. i have been off of work for almost a full twelve weeks, and am back in the groove tomorrow.
what a mix of emotion as i enter a new stage of hip recovery. what is it going to be like, on my feet all day, moving around for hours, moving quickly, lifting boxes...? i guess the only thing i can do is press ahead and hope for the best. realistically i will be sore, my body will ache and i won't want another day of it, but for my benefit i must press on.
it is a challenge to get the muscle back, to push a part of my body that is still healing. i can't move too quick and side swiping motions in the hip region don't bode well. the sharp pains remind me of where i came from, but get me excited about where i will be in, hopefully, three more months.
wish me luck and pray for strength and pain relief as i push myself harder than i have yet...this could get interesting.
what a mix of emotion as i enter a new stage of hip recovery. what is it going to be like, on my feet all day, moving around for hours, moving quickly, lifting boxes...? i guess the only thing i can do is press ahead and hope for the best. realistically i will be sore, my body will ache and i won't want another day of it, but for my benefit i must press on.
it is a challenge to get the muscle back, to push a part of my body that is still healing. i can't move too quick and side swiping motions in the hip region don't bode well. the sharp pains remind me of where i came from, but get me excited about where i will be in, hopefully, three more months.
wish me luck and pray for strength and pain relief as i push myself harder than i have yet...this could get interesting.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
back to business-10 weeks post op!
i've got a week left until i head back to "the office". i couldn't have planned this timing any better. i am finally feeling like i have energy. i haven't had energy since 2009!
2010 started the pain, mild and slow, but my body spent way too much energy trying to heal an area of my body that was progressively getting worse. now, 2011 is bringing in a new me!
i've been getting out these last few days to dog beach. i even jogged down the beach today! i can frolic and move! i thought i knew how limited i was, especially toward the last few days before surgery and especially post, but this new-found movement has shown me the life that i have been missing out on. i realized this past weekend what i have been missing out on when i missed-what will hopefully be my LAST to miss!-hiking excursion with some close friends. how devastating! i think i can do it now, i might hold people back, but i'm hoping those who are close to me will encourage me through these next hurdles.
i'm in for a continued long haul, making my complete recovery at six months to a year mark. so, on july 4th when the fireworks go off i will be celebrating what will hopefully be the best six month anniversary i have celebrated to date!
i am more than nervous to see how my body reacts to all of this new movement. an anxiety that will hopefully not keep me from the amazing steps i could take in the next few months.
here's to a continued recovery, hard as it is, i wouldn't trade this opportunity of healing and getting better for anything!
2010 started the pain, mild and slow, but my body spent way too much energy trying to heal an area of my body that was progressively getting worse. now, 2011 is bringing in a new me!
i've been getting out these last few days to dog beach. i even jogged down the beach today! i can frolic and move! i thought i knew how limited i was, especially toward the last few days before surgery and especially post, but this new-found movement has shown me the life that i have been missing out on. i realized this past weekend what i have been missing out on when i missed-what will hopefully be my LAST to miss!-hiking excursion with some close friends. how devastating! i think i can do it now, i might hold people back, but i'm hoping those who are close to me will encourage me through these next hurdles.
i'm in for a continued long haul, making my complete recovery at six months to a year mark. so, on july 4th when the fireworks go off i will be celebrating what will hopefully be the best six month anniversary i have celebrated to date!
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| photo by Lewis Dawson |
i am more than nervous to see how my body reacts to all of this new movement. an anxiety that will hopefully not keep me from the amazing steps i could take in the next few months.
here's to a continued recovery, hard as it is, i wouldn't trade this opportunity of healing and getting better for anything!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
week nine post-op!
i can't believe it! i'm week nine post surgery!
the last couple weeks have been filled with disappointment with the realization that pain hasn't gone away and there is the potential for worse pain if i work too hard. don't even get me started on building back the lost muscle! the reality is that this is a long process. between six months to a year is the magic bundle of months where one should start feeling "good". i put it in parenthesis because i'm not sure what my good looks like. is there going to be lingering osteo issues, or am i going to feel like a 20 year old? definitely getting close to the round number of 30 so 20 sounds good to me.
but, ultimately at the end of these nine weeks i am amazed.
i have come to a point where i am capable. i am capable of driving my stick shift again, i can get up and about for the day and i can get some of this strength back! slowly, but surely my body is getting back to a place where i have confidence that anything from here on out is better than before surgery.
i get back to work in two weeks! i am really nervous about going back to work. i don't want to be in pain, i really don't. i worked on my brakes this week and helped a friend on her car and i can't tell you how much my body hates me. not only that but i have finally given in to catching whatever is going around. so the thought of going back to work right now really makes me cringe. i can only imagine how much my body is going to hate me once i go back.
what a process this has been and i've only scratched the surface!
the last couple weeks have been filled with disappointment with the realization that pain hasn't gone away and there is the potential for worse pain if i work too hard. don't even get me started on building back the lost muscle! the reality is that this is a long process. between six months to a year is the magic bundle of months where one should start feeling "good". i put it in parenthesis because i'm not sure what my good looks like. is there going to be lingering osteo issues, or am i going to feel like a 20 year old? definitely getting close to the round number of 30 so 20 sounds good to me.
but, ultimately at the end of these nine weeks i am amazed.
i have come to a point where i am capable. i am capable of driving my stick shift again, i can get up and about for the day and i can get some of this strength back! slowly, but surely my body is getting back to a place where i have confidence that anything from here on out is better than before surgery.
i get back to work in two weeks! i am really nervous about going back to work. i don't want to be in pain, i really don't. i worked on my brakes this week and helped a friend on her car and i can't tell you how much my body hates me. not only that but i have finally given in to catching whatever is going around. so the thought of going back to work right now really makes me cringe. i can only imagine how much my body is going to hate me once i go back.
what a process this has been and i've only scratched the surface!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
almost 6 weeks post!
i've hit almost 6 weeks post-op! lets me be honest, i'm getting pretty bored of this post-op crap. is it over yet? can i take a jog down the street already?!? okay, in reality the jogging down the block isn't going to be happening for quite some time. maybe, just maybe when i have my march 11th appointment i will get the okay to speed-walk, speed-walk!?!
i feel like my stretching just makes my hip hate me even more and walking around getting my body moving is a catch-22. so the deal with moving around is that it is really good for post-op; getting my blood flowing and namely in the hip region, inducing healing. the catch though, is that my hip still hates me for doing it. you say, "what? how does your hip actually hate you?". it SCREAMS at me, yes, it really does scream.
for instance, i went out for a brunch this morning with "m.m." and a little trip to the dog park. oh how amazing it felt to get fresh air and walk around for a good hour. but see, now my hip is whimpering like a little baby. i'm now confined to resting in my bed, curled up in a blanket, soothing my whining hip. she burns, it is a nagging pain that pulsates and jabs. i guess all of this is the process and pushing harder each time will eventually get me where i want to be, but i honestly am getting over.
AND i can't control this constant gain of weight! so i'm taking drastic measure and expecting drastic results...okay, not so drastic, but making lifestyle changes. 9 months is a long time eat without abandon and moving little! the emotional roller coaster of this journey has taken a toll on my eating habits.
i AM getting my hairs cut on thursday...this is all in the direction of the new, good hip me...i need some change to spice all of this up and make me feel pretty despite the extra poundage, i may be confident, but nothing can get a girl down more than not looking the way you would like.
i should have updates about my first stationary bike experience, still kind of nervous about that as i have NO, yes a firm NO, quad muscle in my left leg. i can't lift my left leg when it is straight out, i can't even hold it up!!! there is a nice indentation where a quad muscle would go...but mine is missing!
OH, i drove for the FIRST time yesterday!!! i don't feel confident with driving my black hawk as it is stick, but borrowed the rents and took myself and the dog to the park and even drove myself to a fabulous meat sauce night held by my good friend, "j.t.". that was a nice slice of freedom :)
so, almost six weeks down and the ants have entered my pants...about 4 more and i'm back to the grind. i don't know what is better, the ants, or working again. the working thing is a whole 'nother ball of anxiety, fear and questions...i'll save that for another time...
i feel like my stretching just makes my hip hate me even more and walking around getting my body moving is a catch-22. so the deal with moving around is that it is really good for post-op; getting my blood flowing and namely in the hip region, inducing healing. the catch though, is that my hip still hates me for doing it. you say, "what? how does your hip actually hate you?". it SCREAMS at me, yes, it really does scream.
for instance, i went out for a brunch this morning with "m.m." and a little trip to the dog park. oh how amazing it felt to get fresh air and walk around for a good hour. but see, now my hip is whimpering like a little baby. i'm now confined to resting in my bed, curled up in a blanket, soothing my whining hip. she burns, it is a nagging pain that pulsates and jabs. i guess all of this is the process and pushing harder each time will eventually get me where i want to be, but i honestly am getting over.
AND i can't control this constant gain of weight! so i'm taking drastic measure and expecting drastic results...okay, not so drastic, but making lifestyle changes. 9 months is a long time eat without abandon and moving little! the emotional roller coaster of this journey has taken a toll on my eating habits.
i AM getting my hairs cut on thursday...this is all in the direction of the new, good hip me...i need some change to spice all of this up and make me feel pretty despite the extra poundage, i may be confident, but nothing can get a girl down more than not looking the way you would like.
i should have updates about my first stationary bike experience, still kind of nervous about that as i have NO, yes a firm NO, quad muscle in my left leg. i can't lift my left leg when it is straight out, i can't even hold it up!!! there is a nice indentation where a quad muscle would go...but mine is missing!
OH, i drove for the FIRST time yesterday!!! i don't feel confident with driving my black hawk as it is stick, but borrowed the rents and took myself and the dog to the park and even drove myself to a fabulous meat sauce night held by my good friend, "j.t.". that was a nice slice of freedom :)
so, almost six weeks down and the ants have entered my pants...about 4 more and i'm back to the grind. i don't know what is better, the ants, or working again. the working thing is a whole 'nother ball of anxiety, fear and questions...i'll save that for another time...
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
four weeks post-op
i am officially four weeks post-op. wow, what a journey this has been. i'm starting to forget what pre-op was like. i am starting to forget what the last year of my life was like and kind of happy about that.
i had my four week post-op visit and my surgeon is so pleased. i am probably the best patient that he has seen, post-op, in the last four years of doing this surgery! my range of motion is amazing, we took an x-ray of the refined hip and it looks beautiful, and my pain level is doing astounding! i am pretty proud of where i'm at and then i am also reluctant to get too excited. i still think about all of the things i can't do yet, but try to relish in the things i can do.
i was given the go ahead on the stationary bike today and the go ahead for some stretching. i still shouldn't do too much knee to chest action or internal/external rotation, but i can start to, slowly, work up a sweat. six more weeks and he gives me the go ahead for a whole lot more.
the last day or two have been pretty achy, taking pain pills to sleep, but after the eventful weekend i had it doesn't surprise me. and with that i'm back to the reality of being at home. after an amazing two-weeks up in sierra madre recouping with my brother, his wife and their seven month old baby girl, it is hard to come back to a sense of responsibility and the feeling i need to meet goals. its like my sense of accomplishment has lowered and my need to do more to feel that has increased. i hope that the next 4-6 weeks off of work will be restful and productive in the way a one-hipped girl can be ;p
i am still limited in life, which is hard to deal with. i look like nothing happened to me so the special treatment is gone. this process of recovery is a roller-coaster. you feel amazing one day and the next two you pay for whatever it is you decided to do. it will be slow going from here, but holding onto what i can in the way of progress is going to be so important. and my progress has to be important to me; not the treatment, expectations or rallying from others. this journey is personal and only i can judge or know what it is like for me to recover, and know what i am or am not capable of.
slow and steady is going to win this race...
i had my four week post-op visit and my surgeon is so pleased. i am probably the best patient that he has seen, post-op, in the last four years of doing this surgery! my range of motion is amazing, we took an x-ray of the refined hip and it looks beautiful, and my pain level is doing astounding! i am pretty proud of where i'm at and then i am also reluctant to get too excited. i still think about all of the things i can't do yet, but try to relish in the things i can do.
i was given the go ahead on the stationary bike today and the go ahead for some stretching. i still shouldn't do too much knee to chest action or internal/external rotation, but i can start to, slowly, work up a sweat. six more weeks and he gives me the go ahead for a whole lot more.
the last day or two have been pretty achy, taking pain pills to sleep, but after the eventful weekend i had it doesn't surprise me. and with that i'm back to the reality of being at home. after an amazing two-weeks up in sierra madre recouping with my brother, his wife and their seven month old baby girl, it is hard to come back to a sense of responsibility and the feeling i need to meet goals. its like my sense of accomplishment has lowered and my need to do more to feel that has increased. i hope that the next 4-6 weeks off of work will be restful and productive in the way a one-hipped girl can be ;p
i am still limited in life, which is hard to deal with. i look like nothing happened to me so the special treatment is gone. this process of recovery is a roller-coaster. you feel amazing one day and the next two you pay for whatever it is you decided to do. it will be slow going from here, but holding onto what i can in the way of progress is going to be so important. and my progress has to be important to me; not the treatment, expectations or rallying from others. this journey is personal and only i can judge or know what it is like for me to recover, and know what i am or am not capable of.
slow and steady is going to win this race...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
3 weeks post-op
i get emotional thinking about what life was like 4 weeks ago. i am hesitant to get too excited about how well i'm doing as i am only 3 weeks post and so much could still happen.
a look back...
four weeks ago i was in chronic, debilitating pain. i was daily taking Norco (2x vicodin) to mildly alleviate my pain, second guessing everywhere i went and everything i did. i couldn't work out. i could barely make it through work. i didn't want to go out as the discomfort would overshadow the fun i could have. i was being controlled by my fai and labral tear.
now i am making strides. i want to get out. i want to push the limits and get going again. i am not taking pain meds but if i feel the need, i'll take some aleve to help with the aches. life is moving again. i feel like i can think about what i am going to be doing this summer as apposed to worrying about how my pain and injury is going to prohibit me from walking on the beach, from walking on the beach!!! now i want to try it. how is it going to feel? is my hip going to hate me or love me for making it work?
i'm officially off crutches! i am hesitant, i guess you can't tell by the exclamation of excitement, but i am. is it okay that i'm putting that much pressure on the joint? i have walked down the block to coffee and yogurt three time!!! without my crutches. okay it is less than half of a mile, but i'll take it! it is more than half a mile round trip ;p
i am second guessing and emailed my surgeons office and looked over countless blog forums, making sure i'm doing okay. am i doing okay???
there are aches, stiffness and a lack of range of motion, but it is a pretty nice trade off. it is a nice trade off because all of this will dissipate. i was feeling confident and attempted some leg lifts...guess what? there was NO catching, NO popping and ultimately NO pain in an attempt to tackle this atrophy! i am starting to see the light. regardless i have NO MORE impingement!!! this will hopefully help my tear heal and allow for a fully functioning and mobile hip.
what a stark contrast from now and four weeks ago! i am blessed to have this opportunity to repair a problem and restore my body to a body that functions!
should i set a goal for a mud run this oct/nov??? too lofty of a dream? i hope not!
*addendum*
i am feeling the increase in activity due to the increase in pain level. i've also noticed my right hip-good hip-is not happy with the extra work it is involved in. i went on a walk today (about a mile total roundtrip!), but with one crutch. my body was telling me that no crutches today would have been a bad idea, so glad i listened! there is a pain on the outside of the hip with aching and burning, and the incision sites, deep, feel the ache as well. the pain reaches down through my knee, front and back as well. my body is pooped!
i am so glad i am where i am at and realizing that these days will come and go through the healing process. i am not invincible and the best medicine through all of this will be my own honesty about where my body is at. i whole-heartedly believe that building up my body, getting my blood flowing and increasing my progress daily is the best, but all in all, with moderation...
a look back...
four weeks ago i was in chronic, debilitating pain. i was daily taking Norco (2x vicodin) to mildly alleviate my pain, second guessing everywhere i went and everything i did. i couldn't work out. i could barely make it through work. i didn't want to go out as the discomfort would overshadow the fun i could have. i was being controlled by my fai and labral tear.
now i am making strides. i want to get out. i want to push the limits and get going again. i am not taking pain meds but if i feel the need, i'll take some aleve to help with the aches. life is moving again. i feel like i can think about what i am going to be doing this summer as apposed to worrying about how my pain and injury is going to prohibit me from walking on the beach, from walking on the beach!!! now i want to try it. how is it going to feel? is my hip going to hate me or love me for making it work?
i'm officially off crutches! i am hesitant, i guess you can't tell by the exclamation of excitement, but i am. is it okay that i'm putting that much pressure on the joint? i have walked down the block to coffee and yogurt three time!!! without my crutches. okay it is less than half of a mile, but i'll take it! it is more than half a mile round trip ;p
i am second guessing and emailed my surgeons office and looked over countless blog forums, making sure i'm doing okay. am i doing okay???
there are aches, stiffness and a lack of range of motion, but it is a pretty nice trade off. it is a nice trade off because all of this will dissipate. i was feeling confident and attempted some leg lifts...guess what? there was NO catching, NO popping and ultimately NO pain in an attempt to tackle this atrophy! i am starting to see the light. regardless i have NO MORE impingement!!! this will hopefully help my tear heal and allow for a fully functioning and mobile hip.
what a stark contrast from now and four weeks ago! i am blessed to have this opportunity to repair a problem and restore my body to a body that functions!
should i set a goal for a mud run this oct/nov??? too lofty of a dream? i hope not!
*addendum*
i am feeling the increase in activity due to the increase in pain level. i've also noticed my right hip-good hip-is not happy with the extra work it is involved in. i went on a walk today (about a mile total roundtrip!), but with one crutch. my body was telling me that no crutches today would have been a bad idea, so glad i listened! there is a pain on the outside of the hip with aching and burning, and the incision sites, deep, feel the ache as well. the pain reaches down through my knee, front and back as well. my body is pooped!
i am so glad i am where i am at and realizing that these days will come and go through the healing process. i am not invincible and the best medicine through all of this will be my own honesty about where my body is at. i whole-heartedly believe that building up my body, getting my blood flowing and increasing my progress daily is the best, but all in all, with moderation...
Friday, January 21, 2011
anxiety...
i've got another week and a half before i go back in to see my surgeon. i'm getting really nervous about the prospect of how he's going to try and manipulate the area (ouch!), if i'm at a good spot in recovery, if i'm going to be given the time i need to recover. this disability has taken over me. i am defined by it. i make plans based upon it. i decide my every second based upon how it will effect my pain level and healing. of all things i would ever become consumed by i didn't imagine this.
i want this time to be consumed with how much people love and support me, reaching goals, dreaming up things i could be doing and all of the things i WILL do once this is all over. or will it all be over. there is still the doubt that i'm left with all of this anticipation. will i be let down with the words, your labrum has torn again, in six months?
i also anticipate leaving my time in sierra madre to continue healing at home and i'm forgotten. i'm getting better, so the appearance of disability has diminished. will people care to stop by? will i not be able to get a ride to freedom? my livelihood still depends on the assistance of others. even the first week and a half was different than i thought. i doubt that people care. did i get enough, you okays, can i bring you dinners, i love yous?
it is true though that i think people don't like to intrude, get in others business, but it is SO important to get in the business of someone recovering.
i do want to thank the few, the faithful family and friends...i might not be able to express enough how much a stop by means, but when you're dependent on your community to come to you, when they actually show up it means the world.
here's hoping my doubts diminish, my community shows up and that regardless, i know i am cherished and beloved by the One that truly matters...
i want this time to be consumed with how much people love and support me, reaching goals, dreaming up things i could be doing and all of the things i WILL do once this is all over. or will it all be over. there is still the doubt that i'm left with all of this anticipation. will i be let down with the words, your labrum has torn again, in six months?
i also anticipate leaving my time in sierra madre to continue healing at home and i'm forgotten. i'm getting better, so the appearance of disability has diminished. will people care to stop by? will i not be able to get a ride to freedom? my livelihood still depends on the assistance of others. even the first week and a half was different than i thought. i doubt that people care. did i get enough, you okays, can i bring you dinners, i love yous?
it is true though that i think people don't like to intrude, get in others business, but it is SO important to get in the business of someone recovering.
i do want to thank the few, the faithful family and friends...i might not be able to express enough how much a stop by means, but when you're dependent on your community to come to you, when they actually show up it means the world.
here's hoping my doubts diminish, my community shows up and that regardless, i know i am cherished and beloved by the One that truly matters...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
motate...two weeks post-op
i really can't believe it's two weeks post-op. i've had my ups and downs, hit some amazing goals, and been set back in many ways.
today was a great day, i trekked down to the local sierra madre coffee shop, beantown, with my brother and played a little cards to break up the monotony of the last few days. i used both crutches as the last few days have proven that i am very much still in recovery mode and very fragile. sunday and monday were a couple painful days. i had been doing pretty well listening to my body, taking it easy and being very cautious. i felt so good after taking such good care of myself that i overdid it on friday and saturday :|
yesterday and the day before i was taking at least two norco a day again and in no shape to get out and about or push myself. it was back to laying low, taking naps and sleeping 10 hours a night (if i remembered to take a pain pill...if not it's more like 2 and 2 again after 3 hours of fighting pain).
i just need to be realistic about the surgery i had done and know that a goal i should have is being completely off crutches by week 3 or 4, NOT 1 1/2!
i'm not a super hero and i need to be understanding to myself, all of this is going to take a lot of time and the reality is that i will be "normal" by six months to a year. there is a reason i have 8+ weeks off of work...i will need it!
i guess i can also talk about my scars and bruising too...eek! :|
the suture sites look great! i'm scabbed over a bit, but they are pretty good. i might start using mederma or such as the sites are getting dry. the bruising is fading, but amazingly still dark! i do bruise easily so i assume the bruising will be around for at least another week. one of the weirdest parts is how sensitive the bruising and local area still is. i didn't expect my skin to be so sensitive...
all in all i am in a great place at two weeks. i'm up and about, in fairly good spirits (better than i thought), and managing pain. i'm blessed to be spending two weeks with my brother, his wife and my little 7 month old niece. her smile makes me feel much better.
here's to another 2 weeks, another 2 weeks of major recovery and more milestones!
today was a great day, i trekked down to the local sierra madre coffee shop, beantown, with my brother and played a little cards to break up the monotony of the last few days. i used both crutches as the last few days have proven that i am very much still in recovery mode and very fragile. sunday and monday were a couple painful days. i had been doing pretty well listening to my body, taking it easy and being very cautious. i felt so good after taking such good care of myself that i overdid it on friday and saturday :|
yesterday and the day before i was taking at least two norco a day again and in no shape to get out and about or push myself. it was back to laying low, taking naps and sleeping 10 hours a night (if i remembered to take a pain pill...if not it's more like 2 and 2 again after 3 hours of fighting pain).
i just need to be realistic about the surgery i had done and know that a goal i should have is being completely off crutches by week 3 or 4, NOT 1 1/2!
i'm not a super hero and i need to be understanding to myself, all of this is going to take a lot of time and the reality is that i will be "normal" by six months to a year. there is a reason i have 8+ weeks off of work...i will need it!
i guess i can also talk about my scars and bruising too...eek! :|
the suture sites look great! i'm scabbed over a bit, but they are pretty good. i might start using mederma or such as the sites are getting dry. the bruising is fading, but amazingly still dark! i do bruise easily so i assume the bruising will be around for at least another week. one of the weirdest parts is how sensitive the bruising and local area still is. i didn't expect my skin to be so sensitive...
all in all i am in a great place at two weeks. i'm up and about, in fairly good spirits (better than i thought), and managing pain. i'm blessed to be spending two weeks with my brother, his wife and my little 7 month old niece. her smile makes me feel much better.
here's to another 2 weeks, another 2 weeks of major recovery and more milestones!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
can i see it?
i realized its hard to imagine what post-op is like without pictures. i thought about it again and realized the pictures are really gross! there is a lot of bruising, with lots of colors, and the incisions aren't too bad, but not pretty! i bet if you google it there is someone brave enough to post pictures of their nasty thigh on the internet, but i'm not there yet ;)
1 week post op-day 8
i can't believe a week has passed. i am doing amazing! i did have a fall two days ago that left me crying for over 20 minutes and more than anything scared.
what would i do if i hurt myself and undid everything that was done in surgery. i reeled and thought i broke my hip or that i might be worse than before surgery. this was my first day home alone, there was no-one to help me and soothe my fragile, norco addicted/withdrawing brain. i was shaking, it was bad. i don't think i have ever been that scared, that menaced by an event. needless to say i was mighty sore yesterday, but am feeling like a new woman today!
Besides the "knotting" in my joint and minor pain i am doing really well. my energy is still low and i know when i out do myself, but today my friend "m" took me out of the house! i went to my starbucks and we even grabbed lunch and i sat at the restaurant, pretty much discomfort free, pretty much! I guess i don't have a lot of memory of my hip feeling good, so a day where i can actually sit! at a restaurant is a good day! pre-op i would second guess every trip out with friends that required me to sit. i would have to pop a pill to make it through, and i haven't taken anything today. i really can't believe it! okay, lets be honest, i'm exhausted now and i ache, but nothing like pre-op.
yesterday my friend a took be out of the house for fro yo and that was a stretch so to be out for about two hours today is amazing. now think of everything that was done to my hip, can you believe that i can walk without crutches today?!?
one thing i had mentioned was the norco withdraws. i've been on norco (10/325) for about 6-7 months. I've taken norco about 3+ times every days and am finally at a point where i don't need it but my body does. withdrawing makes me anxious, agitated, uncomfortable, and it brings on a pain that comes from nowhere. I'm down to, thankfully, just one at night. this is my worst pain time anyway, so its good i'm taking it then, but i'm hoping that tomorrow i can take half a dose and not withdraw in any way shape or form.
what an amazing procedure, and what amazing hands my surgeon has to be where i am now!
what would i do if i hurt myself and undid everything that was done in surgery. i reeled and thought i broke my hip or that i might be worse than before surgery. this was my first day home alone, there was no-one to help me and soothe my fragile, norco addicted/withdrawing brain. i was shaking, it was bad. i don't think i have ever been that scared, that menaced by an event. needless to say i was mighty sore yesterday, but am feeling like a new woman today!
Besides the "knotting" in my joint and minor pain i am doing really well. my energy is still low and i know when i out do myself, but today my friend "m" took me out of the house! i went to my starbucks and we even grabbed lunch and i sat at the restaurant, pretty much discomfort free, pretty much! I guess i don't have a lot of memory of my hip feeling good, so a day where i can actually sit! at a restaurant is a good day! pre-op i would second guess every trip out with friends that required me to sit. i would have to pop a pill to make it through, and i haven't taken anything today. i really can't believe it! okay, lets be honest, i'm exhausted now and i ache, but nothing like pre-op.
yesterday my friend a took be out of the house for fro yo and that was a stretch so to be out for about two hours today is amazing. now think of everything that was done to my hip, can you believe that i can walk without crutches today?!?
one thing i had mentioned was the norco withdraws. i've been on norco (10/325) for about 6-7 months. I've taken norco about 3+ times every days and am finally at a point where i don't need it but my body does. withdrawing makes me anxious, agitated, uncomfortable, and it brings on a pain that comes from nowhere. I'm down to, thankfully, just one at night. this is my worst pain time anyway, so its good i'm taking it then, but i'm hoping that tomorrow i can take half a dose and not withdraw in any way shape or form.
what an amazing procedure, and what amazing hands my surgeon has to be where i am now!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Post op day 4
This has been completely different than I thought it would be.
I'm up on my feet, with crutches, but up on my feet...okay every once and a while I don't use the crutches. I probably shouldn't do that yet.
The last few days have been a mark of improvement. Every morning I wake up and I have more muscle control, less pain, less swelling and I can function a bit more normal. I did push it the last two days, pushing myself to walk, stand, keep up with my family and baby niece; and am consequently exhausted today. I can sleep a 10+ hour night and feel well rested. It is amazing what the body needs after a surgery.
I'm looking forward to the small and big steps in my recovery. I really can't believe what I am capable of at day 4 post op.
Here's to speedy, and smooth recovery!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
It's done...
Yesterday was the day! What a crazy ride it was!
Nerve block? Check!
Bone shaved? Check!
Labrum repaired? Check!
Breathing tube? Check!
Three hours under? Check!
Out of the hospital two hours after surgery is done? Check!
How insane it is that I was in my own bed less three hours after surgery? And let me tell you, this has not been the easiest of journeys.
The first thing I remember when waking up was the pain. Pain meds in my IV and two percoset (SP) took over an hour to make enough of a difference to want to go home. The pain gives me chills and makes me really cold, leaving the motivation to get up very low. Getting up is painful, I'm definitely swollen and the bruising is showing itself. I look pretty dynamic!
But, surgery went so well! Like I said before, surgery took over three hours and everything was addressed. Hip bone shaved, labrum sutured back to the bone, femur pulled out of the socket and shaved, and the joint around the side of my hip cleaned. Dr Powell is confident in the success of the surgery and so am I!
The staff that worked around me was amazing! Friendly, hilarious and one of my anesthisiologists was cute to boot! Too bad he saw me in compromising positions on the operating table!
This post has taken me all morning to write. The pain makes it hard to concentrate and I'm still exhausted, but I'm trying to keep my spirits up. I've only cried once due to a mix of nausea, shakes and pain. I consider that pretty good! :D
Here's to a speedy and FULL recovery!
Nerve block? Check!
Bone shaved? Check!
Labrum repaired? Check!
Breathing tube? Check!
Three hours under? Check!
Out of the hospital two hours after surgery is done? Check!
How insane it is that I was in my own bed less three hours after surgery? And let me tell you, this has not been the easiest of journeys.
The first thing I remember when waking up was the pain. Pain meds in my IV and two percoset (SP) took over an hour to make enough of a difference to want to go home. The pain gives me chills and makes me really cold, leaving the motivation to get up very low. Getting up is painful, I'm definitely swollen and the bruising is showing itself. I look pretty dynamic!
But, surgery went so well! Like I said before, surgery took over three hours and everything was addressed. Hip bone shaved, labrum sutured back to the bone, femur pulled out of the socket and shaved, and the joint around the side of my hip cleaned. Dr Powell is confident in the success of the surgery and so am I!
The staff that worked around me was amazing! Friendly, hilarious and one of my anesthisiologists was cute to boot! Too bad he saw me in compromising positions on the operating table!
This post has taken me all morning to write. The pain makes it hard to concentrate and I'm still exhausted, but I'm trying to keep my spirits up. I've only cried once due to a mix of nausea, shakes and pain. I consider that pretty good! :D
Here's to a speedy and FULL recovery!
Monday, January 3, 2011
peace...
Okay, t-minus 7 hours. I should be asleep, but I doubt the sleep I get is going to be very restful. I will be waiting for my 4:45am wake up call.
One of my good friend's R stopped by, we ate my "last supper" (I probably won't eat for a day or two), chatted and she prayed for me. I feel ready, at peace. This has been so long awaited in my mind, now that it is here it doesn't seem real; but it is! I am going to get my hip fixed!
Bring it on Dr. Powell!
One of my good friend's R stopped by, we ate my "last supper" (I probably won't eat for a day or two), chatted and she prayed for me. I feel ready, at peace. This has been so long awaited in my mind, now that it is here it doesn't seem real; but it is! I am going to get my hip fixed!
Bring it on Dr. Powell!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
the time is now...
Less than 48 hours and the process will begin. I cannot believe I am finally here. Though with that comes a mix, a cacophony of emotions.
A sigh of relief, I’m here!
Bouts of anxiety, oh my gosh what am I doing?
Peace, the timing is right…I’m going to be okay.
I still wonder if this is going to be a success, how bad is the pain going to be, am I going to battle depression through this, are people really going to be there for me-are they going to forget about me? I never really admit that I’m a doubter, well okay maybe I am now, but I always hold a place that keeps a low expectation of what is going to happen. This is a place where I self deprecate, and do the same for others; things really aren’t going to work out, I’m going to be let down, someone’s going to fall through. I don’t want to keep low expectations, but I don’t want to expect too much. Basically, I don’t want to get to a place where I spiral in disappointment; but I am left in perpetual disappointment in this headspace, doubting that the best is going to happen.
Now that it is the turn of a new year maybe this should be my resolution. I should count on the best and believe that people, myself included, are capable of more.
So here it is:
I declare that,
I will have an impeccable recovery
People will love and care for me and I will not be forgotten
I am the beholder of my emotion and
with the strength of God and positive self talk
I will make it through post-op in mental and emotional health
Thank you for stopping in on this journey of mine. I will keep you all posted on the recovery, and lets be honest, I bet I will be typing away the night before
A sigh of relief, I’m here!
Bouts of anxiety, oh my gosh what am I doing?
Peace, the timing is right…I’m going to be okay.
I still wonder if this is going to be a success, how bad is the pain going to be, am I going to battle depression through this, are people really going to be there for me-are they going to forget about me? I never really admit that I’m a doubter, well okay maybe I am now, but I always hold a place that keeps a low expectation of what is going to happen. This is a place where I self deprecate, and do the same for others; things really aren’t going to work out, I’m going to be let down, someone’s going to fall through. I don’t want to keep low expectations, but I don’t want to expect too much. Basically, I don’t want to get to a place where I spiral in disappointment; but I am left in perpetual disappointment in this headspace, doubting that the best is going to happen.
Now that it is the turn of a new year maybe this should be my resolution. I should count on the best and believe that people, myself included, are capable of more.
So here it is:
I declare that,
I will have an impeccable recovery
People will love and care for me and I will not be forgotten
I am the beholder of my emotion and
with the strength of God and positive self talk
I will make it through post-op in mental and emotional health
Thank you for stopping in on this journey of mine. I will keep you all posted on the recovery, and lets be honest, I bet I will be typing away the night before
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