two years is almost here...

i can't believe i am almost at two years post-op.

this has been one of the most exhausting and draining processes. i am still in a better place than i was before, and need to remind myself of that...often.

looking back at the progress that has been made, it is astounding.

my one, major wish was that i could walk. i can't believe that was where i was at. i wanted to be able to walk!?! i can do that!

all these other pains and side-effects are minute in the big picture of all of this.

i don't think my hips will ever be perfect, but my one wish for this year is to get my physio in the right place. i want my muscles to be balanced, to stand without pain, and to be able to hike a mountain without regretting it.

i still appreciate the "how are are you doing"s, as this is my life. everyone may be sick of this sob story, but it isn't going anywhere.

i have been dealt my fair, or not so fair, share of uncontrollable puzzle pieces; but somehow they have all come together to create the me that i am today. my stories may be somber, but i see the beauty in the lulls. i see the beauty in the struggles, as there is always something beautiful that is birthed from them.

as my second year comes to a close, i am grateful. my abilities are more limited than others, but my abilities also surpass. i am counting my blessings, however big or small.

i did hike thanksgiving day!
one month later and my body is still revolting
one of these days :)

groin pain

Another hippy posted an interesting article on the Understanding FAI Hip Impingement Facebook group. The article pertains to (the looming) groin pain after surgery.

Recently, intraarticular adhesions between the femoral neck and joint capsule have been identified as an additional cause of postoperative groin pain. The adhesions form between the joint capsule and the resected area on the femoral neck and may lead to soft tissue impingement. MR-arthrography is used for diagnosis and the adhesions can be treated successfully by arthroscopy. While arthroscopic resection improves outcome it is technically demanding. Avoiding the formation of adhesions is important and is perhaps best accomplished by passive motion exercises after the initial surgery.

Groin Pain after Open FAI Surgery: The Role of Intraarticular Adhesions
Martin Beck, MD
excerpt from Abstract
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2635436/

I am an information junky and love this stuff; so, I hope this article is interested to you if nothing else.

anticipation...

tomorrow is leg one of my 6+ hour road trip. i am a tad nervous about the pain level with being in a sedentary position for that long.

i guess we will find out how my old lady hips do...

i do have to say that i am just excited to get away...feel the wing in my hair...let go of things for a few days.

road trip!

paid off!

well...i have officially paid off my surgery! it took a year, but i can officially wash my hands clean of that payment.

where are things at a year and eight months down the road?

to be honest, i feel older than i am. i still have an ache deep in the hip that lingers on down the leg. i haven't done physical therapy for a bit, but am looking back into that. this delicate balance i have still not found.

with stress and life changes i put on a few pounds, but am back on the wagon. i want to feel better, to be a better me.

the question is...

do i hop back in the pool an attempt alumni water polo at my alma mater? maybe some laps up and down the pool first?

here is to us hippies.

managing a new way of life, living in the moment, and trying to not let my hip dictate my dos and don'ts.

new shoes!

 

you know what that means?

yes!

i am picking up the running shoes.

it has taken a year and three months, but i can do it. i am only running 1.1 miles, but i am getting that time down and will work up the mileage. 

i have been mixing in the yoga, keeping up with the stretching, and mixing in low weights. this has been one LONG haul!

i am by no means pain free, BUT my body can move. i am capable to move how a body should!

if you are struggling through this process, know that it takes time. 

take a look at where you came from and where you are now. i can only hope you see progress. we have good days, we have bad days, BUT my worst days after are nowhere close to what they were before.

you can make it through!

not there yet...

i have decided to push the envelope.

i am ready to get my muscle back and get my body healthy.

problem is my hip isn't quite there yet...

slow and steady...slower and steadier...

one whole year...

i think about the day i got home from the hospital.

the smell of the anastesia that lasted for days.

i still can't stand the smell of the laundry detergent we used post-op.

i was stiff, sore, shivering from the shock, and living on norco and saltines.

it took 3 SOLID months before i started feeling kind of like a normal person.

3 more month to set my body into chronic inflammation, then 3 more months before i found a job that i was physically capable of.

it took until early december 2011, just a mere month ago, before i felt like my body wasn't vulnerable anymore.

i hiked on monday. today is thursday and my hip aches from the pressure and friction of repetative movement, but my gosh! i could do it!

when i went into physical therapy in september all i wanted was to walk. to be able to go on a walk down the beach with no pain. i wanted to go to the dog park for an hour without having to sit down. i wanted to be able to not let the fear of my inability stop me from spending time with the people i love.

guess what?! i can walk!

i rarely get pain in my gait anymore.

the pain is ache that is a sign of hard work.

dammit!

i have come a long way!

i can walk!

i well up as i remember how incredibly desperate i was.

i was alone in my pain.

i was alone in the expectations i felt everyone had on me and my recovery.

why can't i be better? why do i have to say no again? why do i have to say my hip won't let me???

i have come to a point where my expectation is not perfection. i don't think my hips will ever feel like they are "supposed" to.

BUT! i will take BETTER any day!

from where i have come i am doing amazing.

i have learned to give my self and others more grace...still working on it...but trying.

i have learned that my expectations are not always reality.

i have learned that progress doesn't have to look like a miracle.

and gratitude comes from perspective. i am very grateful.

thank you all for encouraging me, accepting me and loving me on this journey.

it is not over and there will always be more to post here, but can you believe it??? i hit ONE year post-op!!!

hiking with the girls about
1 year and 7 months
after all of this started