did i get the memo?

I never realized how much stress would be induced by paperwork...

shoot! Who am I kidding?

Paperwork, that deals with me, and a hefty 'if you don't turn me in you won't have a job when you get better' attached kind of puts the stress over the edge. Mild anxiety attack and I think its gonna be complete by the january 1st deadline...i think *fingers crossed*

Oh the logistics beforehand. Selling stock to pay for surgery, filling out state disability forms, work leave forms, visiting hmo disability offices...oh and Christmas! The world around me is still functioning as usual, even if I'm not.

I pray you all have a Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!

Here's to many new beginnings and better functioning bodies ;p in 2011!

more rain...

I hate being a debbie downer, but nothing like a rainy day to increase the pain level. It feels like there is a foreign object inserted in the joint, my inflammation is that bad today!

I can tell you though that the nicest people have come out of all off this. One of my customers, an older woman who had a hip replacement, has offered me her walker and cain if i need it. My new friends are the older women who've had hip replacements...i would have never guessed...

17 days and I'm on the recovery side of this!

Officially...

Handy capable by the dmv of the state of California...

dmv

So I decided yesterday that it would probably be a good idea to get a handicap placard. Of course when I first thought of this great idea I was thinking how awesome this would be; the best parking ever! I've come to realize, even before surgery, the necessity this red placard is going to be. The aches and pains moving around is having on me, and how much more of a discomfort getting from point a to point b is becoming. I can tell you though that sitting here at the dmv office isn't helping anything.
I never thought that at 26 I'd really truly need a handicap placard...oh how life takes you places you never thought you would go.
I'll post a pic when I get it :)

understanding fai

here is a link from an amazing blog by a gal named vanessa. she has been through hip arthroscopy and it is such a blessing to read about the expereience of someone who is on the other end of all of this.

this link is to help people understand what it is like to go through all of this...good words she has, good words.

pre-op

just got done with my pre-op appointment! got weighed (yikes!), which i should probably start that post-op diet i've been waiting to start, blood pressure (not to bad for shooting pain this morning and nervousness), temp., and a chit-chat with dr. powell. he went over the last bits i needed to know before surgery and made sure all of my questions were answered.

my surgery will be 2-3 hours, they'll shave bone off the acetabulum (hip) and femur (leg) and "try" to repair the labral tear. i like his honesty as the reality is that labral tears still only have a 60%70% success rate. depending on what they find, they'll poke 2-3 holes and i'll only have a couple stitches in each. i'll be either the morning or afternoon surgery and i'll go home after about two hours post-op. wham-bam thank you mam!

i'll be on crutches 6-8 weeks and NO external rotation or too much motion bringing my knee to my chest. it definitely won't be a walk in the park, but i am so ready! let's get to recovery!

t-minus 3 weeks and definitely counting...

let me know if you have questions, or comments or let me know your experience!

the list...

okay, so i'm going to be watching a lot of movies post-op...well that is my asumption atleast.

what should go on my list???

i have things such as:

the imaginarium of doctor parnassus
kill bill vol. 1 + 2
bride and prejudice (yes, i like bollywood!)
iron man 2
word wars
chaos theory

i don't want anything too depressing, my inability to go outdoors will do enough of that for me, and i don't want to be inundated with romantic comedy as i don't have a man to dote on me during recovery. again, depressing enough. a little action, documentary and adventure will be the ticket, as i can live vicariously through the life of a completely fictional or unattainable character...

suggestions, suggestions, suggestions...go!

Finally!

I got the call! I'm going under the knife on january 4th! I can't believe it! The day is finally on the horizon. after almost 2 months of wavering dates and disappointment, I have a surgery date! I have cried many a tear over this and I have finally cried some good ones.

I had a good week in the pain department, I've had to cut back lifting and pulling and bending at work after much popping and pulling in the hip joint. The cut back on activity has really helped...until yesterday...the worst moments in all of this is when it keeps me up at night and that was last night. Sleep is queen bee in my relationship with my sanity. No good can come of my lack of sleep.

I know this recovery is going to be nothing short of hell, but to be on the other side of all of this is going to be such a relief! It will be a pain as a sign of battle, of hard work and soon victory over all of this...

new tear?

when there are new sensations in the hip, not pleasant ones to be precise, it definitely means i have caused more damage. after a very uncomfortable popping sensation, new symptoms have arrived and old ones have increased. my joint has developed more grinding, as if there is sand in my joint, weakness and loss of range of motion. and pain, more nagging, burning, achy, pulling pain. so on to developing ways to cope through february...any suggestions? i'm looking into massage therapy for increased blood flow, muscle soothing and mobility for increased range of motion and whatever else it can do to make me feel better.

tonight is another night with my heating pad and bedtime yogi tea :)

pop goes the weasle

so, if there is a pop in my hip is that a bad thing? my cartilage did a little dancing today, to say the least...pain meds please kick in gear and heating pad love me tenderly tonight!

rain, rain go away...

me, of all people! i would have never thought that i would wish the rain away. i love the way the sky builds, puffing up its chest in anger >:<

its not so pleasant now. someone with joint issues knows what i am talking about. my hip HURTS! my gosh, either it's the change in the barometric pressure or its going to be a really long ride until february...

speaking of february...

in reference to my complaint, it's going to be however long it takes to get in for surgery. maybe february, maybe march, maybe...i'm not done putting responsibility on my hmo! my surgeon called and said they are doing everything they can...whatever that means...how does it take four months to get ten people in!?!

i do need to keep my attitude in check. either i can be upset and frustrated for three more months or i can move on, as much as possible, and live my life as normal as possible until the day arrives. don't get me wrong. if i got a call today, to go in TODAY, i'd take it!

the clouds will clear...

reminding myself

Matthew 6 NASB
²⁵"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  
²⁶"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 
²⁷"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 
²⁸"And why are you worried about clothing? 
Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,  
²⁹yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.  
³⁰"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
 ³¹"Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'
 ³²"For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
 ³³"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
 ³⁴"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

reasons why i am permanently etched

i'm a formal complainer...

this journey has been a draining one. it takes a lot out of me and alters what i feel like i can and can't do. i visited with my niece yesterday and at 17 pounds it was hard for me to carry her. really?! 17 pounds and i'm done for? or the 2 hour car ride and no narcotics and i can't sleep because of pain, really?!? i can't take on simple things that i take for granite. this is a struggle that is making life hard, hard to keep a smile and hard to keep any sort of pep in my step.

the little pep i had was shattered when on wednesday I made a call to the scheduler in my surgeon's office. this whole time i've been putting all my hope in the idea that i would be given a surgery date in january, and hopefully sooner, hopefully. when talking to the scheduler she said i would maybe be able to get scheduled in february. february?!?!?!?!?! you have got to be kidding me? that would be 4 months from getting the surgery go ahead. that is over a year after this whole fiasco started. that is way too long in my book. isn't that considered patient neglect? needless to say i burst into sobbing of the most epic sorts and quickly turned that utter disappointment into action.

I promptly emailed my surgeon once more with my disappointment and filed a formal complaint with member services. let's give the list of reasons why 4 months is absolutely perposterous...

          +chronic pain
          +with chronic pain comes chronic norco (10/325) use,
            with chronic narcotic (norco) use comes tolerance to pain meds
            and a dependence on such substance
          +increasing my chances of osteoarthritis
            as the de-lamination of cartilage continues
          +as the de-lamination of cartilage continues
            so does my chances of hip replacement,
            and hip replacement in my 40's none-the-less
          +neglect of patient care allowing continued damage,
            and long-term damage to incur

i am so disappointed at the thought that 4 months would be my wait time for surgery. if my healthcare provider can't provide timely care then there is clear neglect. there needs to be more surgeons or they need to not take on such a high patient/member load. when so much is at stake for a patient there needs to be a greater sense of urgency.

needless to say i felt defeated on wednesday and still feel somewhat defeated. my defeat, though, will soon be personal victory and hopefully a victory for others.

^{for i am ready to fall, and my sorrow is continually before me. 
pslam 38:17}

mover and shaker

my dad had the bright idea of cleaning the carpet on monday. with that my help was needed, of course. I played it pretty easy for most of the morning, sticking to vacuuming and washing couch cushions telling my dad that I couldn't move the couches, like the good hip cripple I am.

well, when it came to my room, like the control freak and dreamer I am (yes, it is a dynamic combo), I decided that monday was the day every piece of my furniture was going to be re-arranged. dresser, book shelf, armoire, bed....all of it! no biggie, right? it really wasn't, until today! okay hip, duely noted *cowering*.

so what to do now? I tried a walk with the dog and now a pumpkin ale...lets see what works best...i have a feeling I know what will ;)

so part of getting the go-ahead for surgery is me finding as many videos on the surgery...good thing or bad thing...hmmmm...

oh for it to be january...

Whelp, met with my surgeon yesterday. All in all a relieving visit. A lot more validation as to why i am feeling and the way I am. And surgery is three months out!

Turns out I do have femoral acetabular impingement (fai), with a turned hip socket, labral tearing (which includes cartlage delamination), and damage in general from the wear and tear of a misshapen femoral/acetabular joint.

I'm an info junkie and I thrive on the details so to have a surgeon who went through everything in detail was a huge relief. He was honest about the success rate, complications and general reality of the surgery.

So for details...at this point my surgery date is three months out, God willing I make it that long! I will be out of work about 6 weeks and fully recovered anywhere from 6 months to a year. The success rate is 60%-80% and with the bounty of findings I am a perfect candidate (hoping this means full recovery for me!). If the surgery is not a success I will have to live with it until a full replacement happens. This is, of course, worse case scenario. I'm just a realist wanting to know all the possibilities. There are possibilities of arthritis with the cartlage damage already incurred, but I have hope things will get cleaned up and I will be good as new!

At 26 I never thought I would be going in for hip surgery, but I will be ringing in the new year with a new outlook, and a repaired hip!

And in the mean time here's to pain management for three months :|

consultation day is soon upon me

tomorrow is consultation day! the long awaited day has finally arrived and do i ever have a lot of questions with hopefully a lot of answers! i will have a very intriguing post for everyone to read tomorrow :)

A week and a half, on october 20th I finally get my surgery consultation. I can't believe it is almost here.i get nervous thinking about going under, the recovery and financially surviving on disability. So much to think about and prepare for. I'm soo ready for surgery though. The pain has been intense the last few days. It feels like I have something packed in the joint, maybe a fluid build up, or it really grosses me out to think of maybe labrum particles...argh...the intensity of the pain had increased and I feel as if my range of motion is deteriorating. I'm ready to be in recovery! Here's hoping surgery follows close behind the consultation...

good day, bad day

there are good days and bad days with a torn labrum. around that time of the month, cold weather, after deciding you feel like skipping down the street, running in the rain...all times when the pain radiates from the joint. its a pain that is like a memory. your body tenses in anticipation of it. muscles spasm and your body shakes. it honestly takes every ounce of energy out of me. it isn't even that the pain is that bad, it is how my body reacts to it. it also does a mind trick where i emotionally and physically shut-down. it is like my body is self preserving and telling me to stop.

bad day please turn around into many good days...

hurdles

9.23.10

physical therapy in essence was nothing but twenty dollars down the drain. i was told there was nothing my pt could do for me at this point. i had these lofty hopes i could get strenthening underway before surgery hit, but that was crushed. i am more than deflated...i thought there was more i could do pre-op to make post-op life a bit easier. the reality is sobering...

i was even more devastated to find out there might be warning signs of osteoarthritis...talk about a downer. at 26 i shouldn't feel like an 85 year-old woman, but after a long day i hurt...i wake up achy and now the possibility that i will live with the prospect of hip replacement in my lifetime. i might be looking too far ahead, but to know my life will forever be altered by this is a hard pill to swallow.

let's look at the positive. from going to the pt i was able to read the mri-a results, hence the arthritis scare, and find out where my tear is. i have an anterior tear (@ the front of my hip socket). affirming the pain i feel when i sit down is the pain i feel from the tear and not something else. i like having the details, putting the pieces together and knowing where things are jacked up and why i am in pain.

i am ultimately blessed beyond my own belief. i have such an amazing support system that lets me complain and cry when i need to and that is there for me every step of the way. i am thankful to not go at this alone.

mri-a

9.15.10

yesterday was the long awaited mri-arthrogram! this all begins three or four weeks ago when i got the go ahead from my physio-medicine doctor.

as i made my appointment with radiology, i was told that there would be an injection. my first instinct on the knowledge of an "injection" was to freak out. an injection?!? what do they mean by injection?!? i am a freak about knowing all the answers so i quickly googled the procedure. i read a few different blogs about others experiences with mri s (yes i opted out of specifically looking up arthrograms in the hopes that a real, true, large needle was not needed for the procedure) for the hip and came across conflicting experiences. i continued to ignore the word injection and with calming words from friends i minimized the...ahem, injection, to a simple iv. no biggie! i can take an iv any day!

well, injection it was!

i walked into radiology, waivers signed, money paid and clammy hands clenched. my dear friend michelle walked with me down the corridor, she was left sitting in the hall as i donned the hospital gown. i then walked into a white room with a mechanical dinosaur, yes, a mechanical dinosaur; then plopped myself onto the table where the adventure began.

fluoroscopy x ray machine

the great thing about the mechanical dinosaur was that is was an xray machine that took continuous images to guide the doctor's needle as it entered my hip joint. the bad thing about that damned machine was that is allowed the dr to enter a needle into my hip joint! talk about uncomfortable. even with local lidicane i would never wish the grinding of needle on bone and cartilage on anyone!

take a glimpse into the joy of fluoroscopy...

 

 

 

there really is a point in the procedure, although i would never like to admit is. i even ragged on the dr and tech about having to pay for it...its my patient charm at work. the fluoroscopy allows for an injection to loosen the joint and then insert a die which allows any damage to illuminate in the mri.

after receiving the injection to my hip i was wheeled down to the basement sucked into the tube for thirty minutes. thankfully i had music in my ears and i dreamed of being at the beach to escape the confines of the tube. ultimately the mri itself was easy and i could have taken a nap for half an hour.

walking after was a bit difficult. my hip felt loose and a bit out of the socket. my rang of motion was limited and strength was minimal. there was pain and stiffness that lasted a few days

results

9.18.10

mri results in and the news is torn labrum of the hip. I got the call from my doctor wednesday with a referral to orthopedics for surgery. a 40 minute hold and i'm scheduled for a consultation with orthopedic surgeon dr.powell on october 20th. i'm relieved to finally have an answer 9 months in the making.