the smell of the anastesia that lasted for days.
i still can't stand the smell of the laundry detergent we used post-op.
i was stiff, sore, shivering from the shock, and living on norco and saltines.
it took 3 SOLID months before i started feeling kind of like a normal person.
3 more month to set my body into chronic inflammation, then 3 more months before i found a job that i was physically capable of.
it took until early december 2011, just a mere month ago, before i felt like my body wasn't vulnerable anymore.
i hiked on monday. today is thursday and my hip aches from the pressure and friction of repetative movement, but my gosh! i could do it!
when i went into physical therapy in september all i wanted was to walk. to be able to go on a walk down the beach with no pain. i wanted to go to the dog park for an hour without having to sit down. i wanted to be able to not let the fear of my inability stop me from spending time with the people i love.
guess what?! i can walk!
i rarely get pain in my gait anymore.
the pain is ache that is a sign of hard work.
dammit!
i have come a long way!
i can walk!
i well up as i remember how incredibly desperate i was.
i was alone in my pain.
i was alone in the expectations i felt everyone had on me and my recovery.
why can't i be better? why do i have to say no again? why do i have to say my hip won't let me???
i have come to a point where my expectation is not perfection. i don't think my hips will ever feel like they are "supposed" to.
BUT! i will take BETTER any day!
from where i have come i am doing amazing.
i have learned to give my self and others more grace...still working on it...but trying.
i have learned that my expectations are not always reality.
i have learned that progress doesn't have to look like a miracle.
and gratitude comes from perspective. i am very grateful.
thank you all for encouraging me, accepting me and loving me on this journey.
it is not over and there will always be more to post here, but can you believe it??? i hit ONE year post-op!!!
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| hiking with the girls about 1 year and 7 months after all of this started |
Glad to see you are doing so much better. I just reached the 6 month mark. Transitioning back to full-time at work over the next 2 months. My only issue right now is my left hip starting up now. Same symptoms. Basically 6 months out of work and my disability insurance is in limbo. Have not gotten paid by them for Jan or Feb yet. I will be filing for bankruptcy this month. Sheriff sale on my home next month I think since that will be the 6 month mark for when I made my last payment. Now I have my left hip acting up. Sigh'
ReplyDeleteTried to work with wellsfargo mortgage. They literally laughed at me. As I spoke with them and told them all details of my situation the lady on phone kept repeating everything I said really loud. Then I heard her coworkers giggling in the background then the lady I was talking to started to laugh. Then I was basically told to catch up on my payments then they would see if they could help.
Time to try and rebuild and hopefully keep my left hip healthy. It it nice to walk the dogs and swim. Have tried walking fast but not good yet. Forgetting running for now but biking will be doable I think.
Good luck.