the time is now...

Less than 48 hours and the process will begin. I cannot believe I am finally here. Though with that comes a mix, a cacophony of emotions.

A sigh of relief, I’m here!

Bouts of anxiety, oh my gosh what am I doing?

Peace, the timing is right…I’m going to be okay.

I still wonder if this is going to be a success, how bad is the pain going to be, am I going to battle depression through this, are people really going to be there for me-are they going to forget about me? I never really admit that I’m a doubter, well okay maybe I am now, but I always hold a place that keeps a low expectation of what is going to happen. This is a place where I self deprecate, and do the same for others; things really aren’t going to work out, I’m going to be let down, someone’s going to fall through. I don’t want to keep low expectations, but I don’t want to expect too much. Basically, I don’t want to get to a place where I spiral in disappointment; but I am left in perpetual disappointment in this headspace, doubting that the best is going to happen.

Now that it is the turn of a new year maybe this should be my resolution. I should count on the best and believe that people, myself included, are capable of more.

So here it is:

I declare that,

I will have an impeccable recovery
People will love and care for me and I will not be forgotten
I am the beholder of my emotion and
     with the strength of God and positive self talk
     I will make it through post-op in mental and emotional health


Thank you for stopping in on this journey of mine. I will keep you all posted on the recovery, and lets be honest, I bet I will be typing away the night before